


Nothing Left To Give // Drarry

by jammer3m5g5



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Deaf, Deaf Character, Drarry, Gay, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Potions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:40:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25786750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jammer3m5g5/pseuds/jammer3m5g5
Summary: Before Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived (twice), could kill the Dark Lord, Voldemort, he was hit with a spell that made his life flip upside down.  When Draco Malfoy sees Harry's resurrected state he runs toward him only to be hit with the same spell. Now Hogwarts has two students, an unlikely pair, who somehow understand each other better than anybody else. They share the same connection, the same slight difference. The summer after the seventh year both students are still unaware the other was hit because at the moment nobody noticed. Now they can communicate in a way much different from their peers. Will their loss of such a vital yet overlooked part of themselves bring them closer or cause them to drift farther and farther apart?::TW: This story is set in the 90s so while some people may be accepting others are not. There may be some Homophobic language, but I refuse to use slurs.(Credit to JK Rowling, I only own this plot, not the characters or world)
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 8
Kudos: 78





	1. Prologue

"May 22, 1998: The Battle of Hogwarts"

I can remember that day clearer than any other in my life. It's ingrained in my soul and has defined me in more ways than one.

I lost many things that day, but I would give up a thousand more for everyone else to continue with their lives normally. I had no one to lose, which is why I never had a problem with risking my life. When I saw the lives around me fade away that was when it sunk in. Even though I had nobody left, I had nothing more to be taken, that wasn't the case for the hundreds of people there that day.

Many will paint me as a savior, somebody who put an end to the worst time in any of our lives. Those who were born in times of war would thank me for giving them a new look at life. The people older than me would shake my hand and praise me for ending the decades of war, bringing back what they had once known. Though one person would disagree with those remarks. I am that person.

Over time I would learn to deal with the status, the fame, whatever you'd like to call it. Throughout all of this, I would still disagree. For how can I be a savior if I couldn't even save myself.

I made it out alive, but I wasn't truly living. I've never felt so alone in my life. At least when I lived with the Dursley's I hadn't had the experience of feeling accepted and welcomed. I've said many times that Hogwarts is my first real home and that couldn't be more true. Throughout everything and everybody, every challenge, and snide remark, every dark wizard and light, I still had people on my side that knew what I was going through.

Then it happened. The day I'll never forget and I felt the slight shift in the tilt of Earth's axis. I opened a new chapter in my life. This chapter wouldn't be told in the tales, nor in the history books. Who would want to hear this side of the story? Most would find this aspect of my life boring or may say it paints me in a bad light. I might have become weaker or lost things that made me who I am, but I am more myself than I have ever been.

There was one person though, that after everything, understood what I've gone through in a somewhat different light. I had never expected it to happen. I didn't want it at the time by any means. But, when the world dies down you have to spice it back up a bit. I still can remember that day when I died, correction, almost died. I escaped the inevitable, again. When I fell I heard the yell of this person and he came running, I didn't know why. He would later claim that he yelled to me because I was his only hope, his only sense that something so terrible could have a shred of light. When he ran, out of the grasp of the embodiment of death, he too was hit.

We didn't know it at the time and if I could I would have given up so much more for him not to go through what I did after that attack. I didn't even know I was hit and I don't think he did either. I don't know about you, but when you're in the middle of killing the Dark Lord hearing loss isn't your biggest issue.

So now I am different. I am not the savior of the Wizarding World because I couldn't save everybody. I am not the greatest wizard alive because I can no longer hear your praises. I am no longer the same person I was while being hunted with a bounty over my head. I'm still not normal, far from it actually. The difference between being different and unique is that to be unique you have to be completely alone and I know for a fact I have that one person who understands.

I was hit with much more than just a spell that day. The realizations and experiences that would put my life on a much better track than they had been for years also came. These would start as problems and would morph into the most amazing things that could happen to me. I needed that constant in my life. The edge of always being imperfect and different.

So I leave you with this, if the world wants to ignore my favorite part of this story and turn it's back on the less gory aspects of life then so be it. I will tell my own story no matter what people think, because how can I lose something when I have nothing left to give?


	2. Chapter 1- Lazy Summer

It had been three months of absolutely nothing. I sat in Number 12 Grimmauld Place and thought back on my summer. I should have known it would have been too much to ask for one relaxing break after finally leaving the Dursleys'. It wasn't all bad and at least I got to met with Ron and Hermione a few times a week. They used to come over all the time, but now they seem too caught up in themselves. Call me selfish, but I really needed somebody there and they rarely were these days. When they did come over it wasn't the same.

Hermione started to learn sign language as well as help me learn. We did research on what had caused it, but we couldn't dig much more up than the nurses back at Hogwarts could. We did know that it was caused by an improperly done charm. The chances of reversing spells that you couldn't tell what they were and were misspelled were slim to none. That was when Hermione looked into learning BSL. We all knew it wasn't ideal considering this was an extremely new development. It's not like I could read lips very well considering I'd never had to and I wasn't getting much practice as of late. You can't become fluent in a language in three months, but I would say I'm pretty close. My sentences may not seem as interesting as they could be, though I had never had a particularly interesting way of speaking before.

I tended to look at the whole being deaf thing as an outsider. I had only had my hearing loss for a few months and we were still determined to get it back. I knew deep down that there was a way to fix this. I still continued to learn BSL because I also knew that it would be a while before that would happen. Hermione was extremely good at it and I wouldn't be surprised if she had already known a lot of it. Ron was... trying to say the least. The only other person I had seen this summer was Ginny, but she didn't come over much after the breakup.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when a large barn owl came through the window. I found it easier to leave the window open because I couldn't hear when the owls wanted to get in. I could only hear very loud sounds and even those often came out as muffled. The owl stuck out its leg and I gave it a treat so it would calm down. I open the letter and it read:

_Dear Mr. Harry Potter,_

_On behalf of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, we would like to welcome you back and offer a spot in our temporary upper class of students who due to unforeseen circumstances were unable to complete their final year and NEWTs. Listed below are your needed supplies and requirements. Please respond no later than August 28th._

_Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress_

I honestly wasn't shocked to read the letter. I knew they would ask us to come back because _clearly_ fighting a war is a minor technicality compared to taking your NEWTs. Hermione would probably agree. Thinking about the war still brings back memories. Of course, it also brings up those unanswered questions.

_Why me?_

_Why couldn't I save them?_

_What if I had stayed dead?_

_What was that damn spell?_

_Who had cast it?_

_Was anyone else affected?_

_And why did Malfoy run?_

Thinking like this always made my head hurt. Recently, it had been happening a lot more often because I didn't have anything to occupy my time with. The last question though was one that seemed to come up more than the others. I tried coming up with every single malicious reasoning I could and none of them fit. I doubt he was trying to kill me, he had made it very apparent he was no killer. I certainly don't think he was excited to see I was alive. I thought he would have been happy to see me gone as long as it wasn't on his conscience. Maybe it was out of shock? The best answer was it was a way of finally showing people he wasn't on Voldemort's side.

I had known from my... observations in sixth year that he wasn't particularly fond of his mission. If there was anybody who had seen the real Malfoy that year it was probably me. His real friends had no clue of his mission and that was made obvious after word spread of his failed murder attempt. I don't know what they knew because I wasn't friends with the Slytherins and wouldn't be unless something utterly crazy happened. I do know what I saw. The Malfoy that had been crying in that bathroom, sneaking around the halls late at night, and had that sickly pale and tired complexion, was a new side to him.

I didn't want to pity him because I couldn't stand being pitied myself. I could however sympathize. I knew firsthand what it was like to be pushed into something you're not, something bigger than you are. I understand how taxing that can be on your body and mind, how it changes you as a person. I know the feeling of the rumors and remarks behind your back. More than anything I knew what it was like to grow up with a sad excuse of a family. I too felt outcasted by my own flesh and blood.

That was all I needed to make my choice. I couldn't leave somebody in a very similar position to me to attend a school full of people who would hate his every move. I wouldn't allow the pettiness of others to damage the already very crumbled soul of Draco Malfoy. I needed to make amends, I needed to at least not be a complete arse to him when we went back. Whether or not he decided to do the same was up to him. I didn't even know if he was coming back. I, for one, know I wasn't one to hold a grudge, him on the other hand not so much. 

I was fully aware of how hard it would be to be back in that school and also trying to get an education without hearing was less than ideal. I was positive that the teachers knew of my situation, but for once in my life, I didn't want to be alone in this. I needed someone there who had gone through what I had. My friends put up with me and went along with everything, but they didn't have the same pain and pressure I did. Malfoy would have to do for now.

I instantly had my answer clear as day, I needed to go back to Hogwarts. For everybody who had put faith in me, my friends, _him,_ and myself.

One last time.


	3. Chapter 2- King's Cross

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Just go with me here, it's for plot purposes, I know Ginny isn't "feminine" in the books and is presented as more of a tomboy. I don't really like Ginny so we're changing things up)

I walked through the barrier to King's Cross Station. The bustling of the crowd was just loud enough that it sounded like low ocean waves. I looked at the large train, not thinking I would ever see it again or miss the sound of the whistle. I tried looking around to find my friends. I found the Weasleys and Hermione a little ways away. It wasn't hard to see the sea of red hair amongst the other wizards on the platform. I didn't go over to them though. I felt awkward being around their family. It was my fault they were so broken. If it wasn't for me Fred wouldn't be dead, George would be happy again, and Ginny wouldn't be pissed at me.

It wasn't my best idea to break up with her after the war. I should have stayed. They needed comfort, but so did I. I have never put myself first and I knew I wasn't happy in that relationship. How could I date someone I had no interest in? I shouldn't have to live like that. Maybe if she had taken it better I still would have been able to be there for the family, for her. I saw a different side of her. It wasn't bad, entirely, I just didn't like it. Maybe she was too feminine or too needy. I didn't want to give her what she wanted and that wasn't fair on her. We had only kissed once or twice and both times were extremely awkward and weird. So yeah, maybe she was too feminine.... Or maybe she was too female.

I dragged my trunk over to the people loading the train and got on board. I wondered who else was coming back? That only made me think of Malfoy again. I really didn't want a repeat of the sixth year. I could only handle so much of an obsession. I walked down the aisle and noted the people in the compartments. Hufflepuffs normally sat towards the front, I assume it's to greet people when they come on. Then it's the Ravenclaws by the emergency exits, they do this so that they can tell people how to leave in case of problems. The Gryffindors sit next, not much reasoning there just kind of what was left. Then at the very back of the train was where the Slytherins were located, probably to isolate themselves from the other houses. I tried to find our normal compartment, but I ended up walking into snake territory.

I thought it was our compartment so I went to open the door. What I found was Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zambini, and none other than Draco Malfoy. Pansy and Blaise both snapped there heads towards me, to door probably creaked when I opened it. Malfoy stayed gazing out the window. He looked much calmer than I remembered, he also looked less broken, freer. I saw a hand wave in from of my face and when I looked over it was Pansy. She had her hands on her hips and it looked like she was trying to tell me something. Probably asking why I was here.

I pointed to my ears and said "I can't hear what you said. I lost my hearing during the war," Pansy and Blaise exchanged a look. I couldn't read lips very well so I knew this conversation would be pointless. I was about to turn around and leave because the atmosphere became very tense. I couldn't help but wonder why Draco hadn't turned around yet. I would have thought he would love to torment me about this even if I wouldn't have been able to hear it. Pansy seemed to notice I was staring again and took a deep breath before gaining my attention and raising her hands.

" _Do you know sign? I asked why you were here,"_ she signed. I was shocked that she knew sign. Her question wasn't offensive. It wasn't super common in the muggle world let alone the wizarding world. Why would she have bothered to learn?

" _Yes I do, why do you know it? I thought this was a different compartment,"_ like I said my sentences were a little choppy but it gets the point across. Pansy looked over at Blaise again and he nodded to the unspoken question.

" _The same thing happened to Draco. We learned over the summer because he forced us too. He's fluent if you need help,"_ she responded while pointed to Malfoy. Did Pansy Parkinson, the Queen of Slytherin, just offer me help on behalf of my rival of 8 years to learn sign language? As if she could read my mind she responds with, " _He doesn't hate you, you know. He just has a weird way of showing it. He's," she pauses with her hands mid-air, looking back at him, "changed now."_

  
" _We all have,"_ I sign back. I have to maintain eye contact but I glance over at Malfoy one last time before signing, _"Thanks,"_ and turning to leave. When I shut the door I thought about what on Earth had just happened. It wasn't like Malfoy to not jump at the chance to humiliate me. It also wasn't like Pansy and Blaise to not tell him I was there. Not to mention he went deaf too? That couldn't just be a coincidence. On top of all that, now I had even more reasons pushing me to make amends with him. Who knows, maybe he did change.

Two doors to the right I found Ron and Hermione's tensely staring at each other on the same bench. Ah, young love. I cleared my throat and they both snapped their head towards me. "What's up?" I say out loud, trying to ease the tension.

" _Nothing"_ Hermione signs quickly.

At the same time, Ron slowly fingerspells out _"G-I-N-N-Y"._

I wince at both Ron's bluntness and 'Minone's attempt to hide the present situation. I knew it was hard on Ron as well, he loved Ginny and to see her upset because of me probably hurt. She didn't seem to care about me at the time so I didn't see the problem when I did it. I still feel guilty about it, now that I've had time to think, and I also knew I should have done it long before the war started. It wasn't fair on her to make her date someone that wasn't present for the majority of their relationship. The things she said after, the things she admitted to... it left us both sore. I don't think we could ever come to an agreement after that. I was too harsh, she was damaged and I should have stayed even if it would have hurt me. I hadn't cared about myself for years why did it matter _then_? " _What about her?"_ I signed, looking at Ron.

He looked over to Hermione, signaling it was too much for him to sign. I sat down across from her and read her movements. " _She was going to ask to sit here when she saw you with the Slytherins. I told her you probably just made a wrong turn and weren't planning on staying,"_ perceptive as always, " _She said some choice words about them, especially Malfoy, claimed you were going to abandon us by the end of the year like you did to her. I knew that wasn't true and she told me I didn't know anything and stormed off. Ron's more upset with Ginny than you, but it still hurts. Give him time"_

I sigh leaning my head back. I'm not as good at signing as I am reading it so it was fairly easy for me to understand what she said. Ron didn't even bother, but he already knew what happened so I didn't really care. I'm pretty positive that if he knew what really went down that day, saw what she said, what she had done, he would be more on my side. I couldn't tell anybody though because I knew she would just tell everyone the real reason we broke up and I wouldn't be able to handle that. I trusted her, that was going to be my biggest mistake if I wasn't careful. I closed my eyes so they couldn't talk to me even if they wanted to, which they probably didn't.

I thought more about Malfoy. What would happen if I had taken his hand? Would I be where I am now? Would I have been able to beat Voldemort? I knew I would have been in Slytherin if I had trusted him instead of Ron. It may have even taken less time if I had them on my side. Hermione might be smart, but she's kinda the only Gryffindor like that. They would understand the war more than we did. A lot of their parents were Death Eaters and would have had helpful information. Getting that information from the snakes is the hard part.

I looked out the window and fell asleep with the very low rumble to the train below me. Soon we would be back at Hogwarts.

Soon I would be home.


	4. Chapter 3- Welcome Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I proofread this as I went, so sorry if there are any mistakes)

I was jostled awake by Ron, who was already in his robes with Hermione walking out the door. I quickly through my robes and tie on, not caring if they looked messy. We left the train and headed to the carriages. Neville joined us, but Luna stayed with Ginny. I wondered if she knew? They were best friends so I assumed she had told Luna something more than her brother. The three of them talked while I just looked over at the creatures pulling the carts. I remember being stunned back in fifth year, now they seemed comforting. I was used to them so others might not agree, but they gave me a sense of hope that even death can bring forth beautiful things you hadn't seen before.

Part of me wanted to be involved in their conversation, the other part didn't want to talk to anyone ever again. After Neville had tried to include me and Hermione had to explain I felt even worse. Maybe he could take my place with them. It could have been him. I've never been more thankful it wasn't. Never in my life would I wish that fate on somebody else. He had already gone through enough and my problems never seemed that big compared to other people's.

It wasn't until we got into the Great Hall that I actually regretted coming back. I pushed the doors open with Ron and Hermione behind me. I wouldn't have noticed the chatter of the room dying if they hadn't all been looking right at me. Suddenly I thought maybe going in first wasn't a good idea. Maybe going back to Hogwarts hadn't been a good idea.

I shook my head and went over to the table on the far right side of the room, behind Gryffindor. Keeping my head down until Hermione tapped my shoulder and pointed to McGonagall at the front of the Hall. I didn't understand what she was saying, but I figured it was the usual speech. I decided to see who else had come back. They had sent letters to everybody, though it seemed a lot of them didn't want to be back and I couldn't blame them. I saw Malfoy, Parkinson, and Zambini at the end of the table. It was weird not seeing Crabbe and Goyle with them but after Crabbe... I couldn't see Goyle coming back. Theodore Nott and Daphne Greengrass also sat by them, keeping some distance. Almost no one from Hufflepuff came back, it's not like I knew many of them. Every Ravenclaw from our year was there, which was only about 12. Then there was our trio, Neville, Dean, Seamus, and Pavarti.

My eyes lingered on Malfoy. He obviously wasn't paying Mcgonagall much attention either. I didn't get a good look at him before. His pale blonde hair was falling in front of is face and his face was sunken in. It looked like he hadn't slept in months or eaten either. I knew I didn't look much different. The only thing that stood out as the same from all those years ago, was his eyes. They were still the same stormy grey I had hated from that one time in Madam Malkin's. They were no longer set into a glare, his lips no longer a typical smirk. He looked up from the table and met my gaze. I thought for a split second I could see color drain back into his pale complexion. A light dusting of pink on his cheeks. The food appeared, and the moment was lost.

After we finished eating the schedules were handed out. Everyone around me had gotten one so I was worried when I hadn't. It was then, I looked over to Hermione to ask her what was wrong.

" _McGonagall said to go to her office. We're going to the new tower for 8th years. Tell us what happens when you get back,"_ she signs, easing some of my confusion.

 _"Thanks,"_ I reply _"go on without me. I'll be fine."_ She looked wary but nodded nonetheless. I couldn't blame her for being worried considering it was now ten times harder for me to spot the danger that seemed to be attracted to me. She and Ron left the Great Hall leaving only one other person.

Malfoy got up out of his seat not sparing me a glance. I quickly went to catch up with him. After a moment of studying him, I noticed he too didn't have a schedule. I tried to think of why we weren't given one, but it didn't seem very obvious. I was close enough now to tap his shoulder. He jumped a little, not hearing me sneak up behind him. He said something that looked like he wanted to seem cold but his heart wasn't in it.

 _"I can't understand you,"_ why didn't his friends say anything? " _I know you can't either so save it."_

He seemed conflicted about what to say next. I didn't miss the brief hints of shock and relief in his face. I had felt the same when I found out about him. There is something about knowing you aren't lone that's strangely comforting. Eventually, he decided what to say. 

" _You aren't very good at that you know? You should really practice more," with that he walked towards the office._

"You're a git Malfoy!" I called after him. I don't know how loud it was, but he wouldn't be able to hear it anyways.

When I reached the door I found it was already open. I closed the door behind me and took in the familiar room. There were still portraits all over the room. Two of them I noticed immediately and it took all my willpower, not to breakdown.

I saw the fatherly twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes, slightly masked by the magical paint. The second face was one that had been the temporary headmaster the year I wasn't present. Snape seemed less cold now like he wasn't holding in a thousand secrets. I wish I had known him like that instead of the rude potions professor that failed my every assignment. If only he had seen my mother in me instead of my father.

All other remains of the previous headmasters had been removed and the room was fairly empty. I noticed a desk and two chairs in front of it. In one chair sat Malfoy, his head resting on his arm as he waited. I sat next to him, across from McGonagall and a man I had never met.

The man was taller than I was, probably not quite up to Malfoy. He had sandy grey hair and extremely dark eyes. After the war, I knew to grow wary of everyone, but I had no reason to be with him. I would have known if he was a Death Eater because I had been forced to go to almost every trial that was held, including Malfoy's. He could be one of the ones that have yet to be caught, but polyjuice and glamors were very risky after what happened in fourth year. I decided he would be fine for now. Innocent until proven guilty.

The headmistress's lips moved and the man interpreted what she was saying with BSL. Oh, that's why he was here.

" _Boys, this is Mr. Ainsworth. He will be your interpreter throughout the year. We have only felt the need to provide one considering just two students will be needing his services. Due to this, you will have to adjust your schedules so that they fit each other. As you know there is a strange mix in house numbers for your year so we have divided the classes into groups of about 15 people each. You both need to come to an agreement by the end of the weekend so that we can get you on track. We also request that you have at least one hearing capable student with you at all times,"_ her gaze lingered on me, _"lastly, do try and get along. It will be quite tiring to watch you both frantically wave your hands about in the middle of classes. Off you go then."_

" _When addressing me feel free to say Mr. A. I wish my full name was a bit faster to sign but alas it is not."_ Mr. A provided a closed mouth smile and we nodded towards him in acknowledgment.

The walk back to our dorms was silent and tense. Silent because we couldn't hear, and tense because we had to agree on something. I'm not sure there is much in life I've siding with Draco Malfoy on, but then again I never really knew him. He has changed and it's easy to tell. I feel he doesn't want to admit it though. That's why Pansy was hesitant to explain.

I thought back to Mr. A. He didn't seem evil, but he wasn't normal. I really shouldn't be worried about it and just leave it be. If he causes problems I'll just let the professors handle it. That wasn't like me and I knew it. Perhaps I'll quietly observe him. It won't be my main focus for the year, just a side quest. I really needed to focus on finding this cure for magical hearing loss and fast. I don't know how easy it would be to become buddy-buddy with Malfoy.

Entering the common room felt nice. I could have slept by the fire if people wouldn't have judged me. We walked up to the boys' dorms and there were two rooms. About ten boys in each room. One of the dorms was entirely made up of Ravenclaws so we both knew we were put into the second.

The order of the beds goes as follows (front to back):

Left side: Ernie Macmillan, Anthony Goldstein, Terry Boot, Blaise Zambini, Dean Thomas

Right Side: Theodore Nott, Zacharias Smith, Neville Longbottom, Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Seamus Finnigan

People looked over to us as we walked in. It must have seemed weird for us not to be yelling at one another. That's the thing with this whole predicament. It didn't make it into the papers. Ever since I had managed to shut up the Daily Prophet after the war, they didn't write as much petty gossip. I sometimes wish they had, it would be a lot easier than having to tell everybody. It did feel nice though to be in control of this personal side of me. I wondered if that's how Draco felt too?

I noticed some people were already asleep. It seemed lucky that Seamus and Dean were at the end so they could easily sneak over to each other in the night. Not many people knew about them, the 90s were not a very supportive era, even in the Wizarding World. G-..... Some people had made that _very_ clear. I wished we could be a bit more progressive, but how can we if we still are proactively living in the middle ages. With these thoughts and some glares and stares from my dormmates, I hopped into bed and closed the curtains tight.

I needed some more time to myself, but how could I get it if I was being forced by the Headmistress to be "civil" towards him. Also, this agreement wasn't going to happen easily from what I could read on his face. I was hoping this situation would bring us a little closer, but if he's going to be difficult so can I.

I dreamt of dark eyes, sign language, yelling redheads, and soft blonde hair.


	5. chapter 4- Decisions

I woke up by being shaken out of bed by none other than Ron Weasley. When I fell, I sat up and checked the time. Great, I had slept through breakfast. I looked over to the bed next to mine and saw the familiar head of blonde hair was also asleep. That's another I've noticed. If you don't have sounds to wake you up, you sleep for extremely long amounts of time.

I took my wand and snuck over to him. After poking him in the sides three times, he bolted upright and gave me the strongest death glare I had seen in years. I noticed Ron had left the room after shaking me awake. He probably was forced to wake one of us up and couldn't wait for food any longer.

I sat back on the floor facing his bed, resting against my own. He got up without a word, grabbed some clothes, and went into the bathroom. I decided to do the same and get dressed for the day. Once the door was open I couldn't help but laugh. If I had been sorted into Slytherin first year this wouldn't be a strange sight. Malfoy had a mirror levitating beside him, a toothbrush in one hand, and a hairbrush in the other. He got rid of the toothbrush soon after and was so fixated on his hair he didn't notice me slip in to brush my teeth. After he was done he looked over to me and jumped a few inches into the air. I rinsed my mouth and started up laughing again.

" _You should try it sometime Potter. I don't think you've ever brushed your hair before,"_ with that lovely note he whisked out of the bathroom.

I reached out and tugged his arm. He was still jumpy, " _We have to talk today, there are only two days for fixing the..."_ I forgot the sign for the word.

" _Schedules,"_ Malfoy signed. I nodded my head. _"For somebody that could be stuck like that forever, you should really practice more. I'll be in the library at 4 o'clock if you feel the need to annoy me further,"_ he walked out of the dorm leaving me in stunned silence.

He really had changed. No name-calling, finishing my sentence, and telling me where he would be so we could figure this out? Yup, definitely changed.

\-----------------------

10 minutes 57 seconds

58

59

...

11 minutes

This was officially the longest staring contest I had ever been in. We were both extremely stubborn, there's no doubt about that.

" _I know I'm beautiful, but not even you could push this past twelve minutes,"_ Malfoy signed. Feeling my cheeks get warm, I rolled my eyes, mentally cursing myself for breaking eye contact.

"Not everyone can be as stubborn as you, Malfoy," I said aloud, surely he hadn't understood that.

 _"I can read lips you know,"_ damn it I thought I had him.

 _"Lucky you,"_ we hadn't been making any progress and I was beginning to care less and less about fixing our scheduling problems. We needed to pick ten classes by the end of this "meeting". The biggest problem with this was we had totally different interests. Maybe our job courses had something in common. There was only one problem. I didn't have a job course anymore because I had no clue what to do with my life. I did not want to hunt evil for the rest of my life, no matter what the rest of the world felt. " _Jobs? What do you want to do?_ "

" _What?"_ his mind was obviously not on the same path mine was.

" _I want to get this over with. What course do you want to take? Common classes,"_ I saw him snicker across from me halfheartedly. Curse my lazy sign language.

 _"It's going to be impossible for a person like me to get a job anyways. I'm not here for that,"_ Oh, so he was laughing at my stupidity not my signing.

" _Then why are you here?"_ I was now completely off the original topic. He closed up again and looked at the floor. I felt like I had struck a chord somewhere and was being too personal. I half-wondered if he had told _anybody_ why he was here. Apparently it wasn't to get a job like everybody else here. I may not have an idea, but I knew I was going to do something. He thought he wasn't going to be able to get a job? He wasn't really a Death Eater, if he was he'd be in Azkaban right now.

" _It's nothing. I just felt like I should come back."_ He was lying through his teeth... hands? I don't know, anyways. He didn't feel like he could tell me. The strangest thing was, I felt hurt. I wanted to move past this hatred. How could we do that if he didn't loosen up a bit?

" _Stop lying. You need to stop doing this. Why did you come back?"_ Man, that would have sounded cooler if I had studied my signs more.

He stood up slightly leaning forward over the table with his hands pressed down onto it. I had to tilt my chair back slightly so he didn't get in my face. I knew if I could hear him I might even be scared of his tone. " _You want to know why I'm back? You were at the trial, you know my conditions. Or could you not hear them? Maybe you didn't care? In case you haven't noticed not everybody can have the perfect life you lead. I was forced back. I need to make it through this year and then I'll be out free. So, there you go,"_ he sat back in his seat crossing his arms, _"the Death eater didn't get a choice. I've never gotten one and I thought it would end with the war. I was wrong."_

At first, I felt sorry for him, I knew that probably was what he was going for. Then, I felt sympathy because I knew how he felt even if he made it sound like I didn't. In the end, I only felt anger. How dare he say I led a "perfect life"! If he even knew an ounce of just what I went through to get there he would know that isn't true. He may have had Voldemort in his house but did he have him in his mind? Did he die? At least he had parents, albeit not great ones, but he still had them. " _You don't know anything about me Malfoy"_

 _"Really? I think I know more about you then you think,"_ there it was again, the pink tint in his cheeks. He looked away and I thought it was better to drop this concept before it got too personal. He had shared enough I guess.

 _"Classes?_ _Even if we won't have a job course we still need something to do._ "

 _"Merlin, Potter. You certainly change topics fast. I'll make a list."_ He took out his wand and conjured up some parchment and quill. I offered to write, but he claimed my "chicken scratch" would be impossible for McGonagall to read and we would be stuck with Hagrid for every class cleaning up after the Thestrals. He wrote down potions first and I almost screamed at him, of course, he wouldn't have heard it. " _Its a core subject. Everybody needs to learn potions, plus it's fun."_

Fun? " _Fine, then you have to take DADA."_

" _Fine"_

 _"Fine"_ We both huffed and glared at each other. This was going great if I do say so myself.

 _"Next we should take Advanced Arithmancy."_ Did he like any of the good classes? Plus, I wasn't sure if I wasn't even qualified for an advanced class.

 _"You're so boring. Add Care of Magical Creatures."_ His eye roll didn't go unnoticed, but at this point, I couldn't care less. I just wanted to see Hagrid again.

 _"Ancient Runes"_ I was this close to strangling him. If he insisted on taking the most boring classes this school had to offer I would only fight back with the ones I knew he didn't like.

" _Divination_ _,"_ I smirked. He obviously didn't like that. If there was one person who hated Divination as much as Hermione, it was Malfoy.

" _Charms"_ I get that it was kind of required, but charms? Surely he had something better than that up his sleeve.

" _Transfiguration"_

_"Only because she favors the Gryffindors"_

_"Does not!"_

_"Does too!"_

I must say this was really testing my patience. Hadn't I just said he changed? Maybe he wasn't really mean, but his attitude was still just as strong.

He got over it and let out " _Astronomy,_ " before writing it down. I needed one more. What would tick off Malfoy the most?

" _Muggle Studies,"_ We still hadn't added every core class, but we were probably fine. The only cores left were Herbology and History of Magic. I could only take so much of Professor Binns's goblins and if I wasn't deaf I was pretty sure the Mandrakes would ensure I would never hear again. I didn't really like Muggle Studies, considering I was raised by them and there were about ten other classes that sounded better, but if it pissed Malfoy off it was worth it.

It would be much later when I realized why he _really_ didn't want to take that class.

" _You're insufferable. We aren't even taking history of our own culture and you want to learn about them,"_ It was then he remembered why he was here in the first place. I don't think the Ministry of Magic would be too kind on an ex- Death Eater ranting about how evil muggles were. " _Fine then, if we're done here I will drop this off and leave you here to do whatever it is you do. While your at it you should practice your signs some more. If I wasn't using context I wouldn't be able to tell what half of them were."_

I'm the insufferable one? _"Don't bother. I'm meeting Hermione later so I'll just drop it off when I'm done."_ I saw something flash across his features. Jealousy? No, it couldn't be.

" _Fine, have fun with the,"_ he caught himself, good, I would have punched him if he didn't, _"Have fun with Granger."_ He put the parchment back on the table and whisked out of the library. Why was he so difficult? I watched him close the doors and my head dropped to the table.

Operation "Make Amends with Malfoy" seemed impossible at this point.

Curing magical deafness would have been easier.


	6. Chapter 5- Books

I really don't get the hype of the library, but for some reason, people think it's the perfect place to meet.

I had been waiting at the same table, for Hermione to show up, reliving my previous conversation. I really did think he was making a slight effort to change. He didn't call me any names, didn't call Hermione a Mudblood, and we agreed, somewhat, on our classes. His attitude seemed to be just as snarky, but as someone who's been around that for years, I know it was half-hearted. Even so, some of his words still hurt.

Who was he to say he had an easy life? I had been forced into a life I never wanted. I was pressured to be something bigger than I am. Some higher power was always giving me a new task. I was forced to hold up one specific image, not being myself. Everyone would jump from siding with me to hating me faster than I could keep track of. I witnessed people die left and right and never had a family that loved me or was alive.

Wait a minute... that sounds familiar. Were Malfoy and I really that much alike? I guess I had never put much thought into it. Maybe I should have been nicer all those years? Then again, he didn't really make me want to. Why did I care? Did I--?

I jumped when I felt the tap on my shoulder. Hermione stood there, arms akimbo, waiting for me to say something.

 _"Well? Are you going to tell me why we are here?"_ I asked. I thought it was weird she didn't ask Ron to come. I guess he was still sore over the bus ride or something. _"Where is Ron?"_

 _"We are here to research your little predicament,"_ she pointed to my ears, _"if there is any place for data collection it's here. Ron wouldn't much help so I left him to play chess with Dean."_

I nodded my head and we walked over to the book catalog. The library book catalog wasn't on a computer, we didn't have those and I've never had to use one in the first place so I wouldn't be much help. It was multiple tables set to spin with a turn of a handle. The tables each had huge books on them, probably magicked to hold more than it shows. We each wrote down a list of all the books that could possibly help us. I went to find them and Hermione went in another direction.

_Magical Cures and Remedies for Long-Term Ailments_

Nothing

_101 Healer's Tips and Tricks for Temporary Disabilities_

Missing

_The Reasons and Helpings of Losing Your Senses_

Nada

_A General Healer's Guide to All Things Magical_

Nope

_Potions, Herbs, and Charms for Those With Unexplainable Predicaments_

Even that was gone

So that was four out of the ten books that I couldn't find. Before looking further I decided to ask Hermione what she found. When I got to her I looked over her shoulder at her list. All five books were crossed out. She turned to me and asked the question I had been going to ask her.

 _"Why aren't there any books about this left in the library?"_ I shook my head because I had no clue. We both went off to find the tenth book. Finally, _St. Mungoes Cures for Rare Cases and Magical Situations,_ had been checked out. I sat down and leaned against the shelves. We had been searching for over an hour and came out completely empty-handed. _"Follow me," and so I did._

Madam Prince was the same old lady I had always known. Now, she couldn't get mad at me for being "too loud" and even if she did I wouldn't be able to hear it. I wasn't quite sure how she survived the war, maybe she wasn't there. She sat behind a small desk in the corner, papers littering the top of it. Her and Hermione started up a conversation. After a minute, it was cut short and Hermione looked anything but pleased.

" _She says she's not allowed to tell us where the books are and that they were simply checked out. Why on Earth are all the books we need not here? If they were just simply checked out by people then wouldn't there be at least one left? It's just so frustrating!"_ she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

 _"You're right. I don't know either. You head back to the dorms. I need to go do something."_ I know Mcgonagall said we should both have a "hearing capable" person by us, but we kinda threw that out the window pretty quickly. She nodded goodbye and I made my way to the Headmistress's office.

The library owned ten books that included anything that would help to cure magical deafness. The fact that they were all gone was more than coincidence. Did someone know his plans? Were they going to sabotage him? Had Malfoy gotten them first?

I had just gotten to the office when I saw somebody leaving it. As I got closer I noticed who it was. "Hey! Mr.A," I called after him. When he turned I gave him a wave and he returned with another closed mouth smile. His dark eyes seemed lighter and pale skin seemed to almost glow in the dark. What really caught my attention was when he turned his stuff fell out of his bag. I noticed some books and wen to help him, but he pushed me out of the way. He looked up and his eyes seemed to say an apology. "It's ok," I said. He nodded and put the books back in his bag. He swiftly turned around, robes billowing behind him.

I didn't catch the titles of the others, but I did get one. In big gold letters on the front of the top book stated clearly.

_The Reasons and Helpings of Losing Your Senses_


	7. Chapter 6- Something New

All previous thoughts went out the window after my brief encounter with Mr.A and McGonagall. Once our classes were dropped off I booked it down the corridor. No, I have no clue where he was going, but it couldn't have been far right?

I wish I could have heard his footsteps, then it would have been a thousand times easier to find him. I wasn't particularly worried about him having the book. Perhaps he would just let me borrow it, or maybe he knew where the other ones were?

There was one thing I knew. Mr. A was fast. He was probably middle-aged and he didn't seem like the runner type. I was running at full speed, going corridor by a corridor and didn't even see a hint of him being there. Hogwarts is a huge castle, so it's not like he could have left.

I finally made it to the teacher hallway and wondered if it would be weird to just knock on his private quarters. In the end, I just went for it and knocked. After a few knocks you might have expected me to leave, but when have I been one to do that? So after muttered a quick _Alohomora_ , I entered his living space.

The lights were off which wasn't strange because it was night. I yelled his name a few times, still nothing. I wouldn't give up though. I went to his bedroom and opened it. The bed was empty, in fact, it looked unused. The covers had dust on them and there wasn't a single wrinkle in them.

It was then I realized my utter stupidity. I had a map!

He was probably just going on a walk or meeting with somebody else. I remembered the map was in my cloak. So, I headed back to the library.

\------------

_Where was he?!_

You can't apparate in Hogwarts and I knew no human alive could run _that_ fast. I put my head down on the table and sighed. This was not the day I thought I would have. Classes started tomorrow, meaning Hermione wouldn't be as much help even if she said otherwise. Ron had proven to be pissed with me and unless I tell him the real reason Ginny and I broke up it would probably stay that way. There was no one else I could go to, so I guess it was up to me to find this cure.

No resources, no help, nobody....

Maybe Malfoy could help? He's smart, right? It's probably a potion and as much as I hate to admit it he's brilliant with those. That was a joke though, Malfoy would never do that for me. Although, it would be helping himself too, and isn't that an extremely Malfoy thing to do?

Speak of the Devil, there he was. I noticed the soft glow coming from his wand across the table. I picked my head up only to look at the sight of Malfoy, sitting across from me, and reading a book. His hair fell in front of his face and the mixture of moonlight and magic made it glow. His eyes reflected the same blue light and seemed more vibrant. He looked calm, at ease.

He looked up at me and I felt my cheeks burn hot again, I hadn't realized I was staring. He quirked an eyebrow but said nothing more. He went back to reading and after a few more minutes of simply pondering why he wasn't moving, I reached across the table and took the book from his hands.

He made a face that I was sure could have killed me if he tried, so much for the calm. I wasn't sure which was better, this new Malfoy that didn't want to stir trouble, or the old one that I had known for years.

I now had another reason to add to the growing list of why I should make amends with him. I needed to be kinder. He hadn't done anything this time, which was unusual. Normally he started everything we had a spat about. I realized it was probably for appearances and to show how much power he held over the Slytherins.

I knew it was rare for people here to hate me, especially after fifth year and before fourth. I became more self-aware in my time alone, that didn't mean I had to like it, but thinking didn't change anything. If Malfoy could show the world that even I wasn't perfect, then he would have those Slytherins wrapped around his finger.

I always did appreciate that in a twisted sense. It's nice to have at least one person willing to see somebody who isn't the falsehood presented by the media. I realized I need to do the same for him.

In the end, he was right though, I'm not perfect. What better way to prove so than to demonstrate that.

 _"I need your help,"_ I signed to him, after putting the book down. He looked shocked I would ask him for anything.

_"What on Earth would you need my help for?"_

_"Can you teach me?"_ I asked, " _You've complained a lot about it, so why don't you teach me how to be better?"_

 _"You could be better at a lot of things. Be more specific,"_ he rolled his eyes.

 _"I want to learn more BSL and how to read lips. In return I'll offer you help,"_ this intrigued him.

 _"What do you have to offer me?"_ It was then I realized again, just how broken he probably was. I doubt many people had given him that offer, much less he take them up on it.

 _"I won't make this year difficult. I'm looking for a cure for magical deafness,"_ he scoffed, but remained interested, _"I could really use your help. I call a truce,"_ I reached my hand across the table. He looked at it skeptically and hesitantly reached his hand out.

Finally, that damn handshake was renewed.

" _Fine then, but I want to know something first Potter."_

 _"It's Harry now."_ That made him uncomfortable, I could tell. I didn't really care though, how could we overcome this stupid pettiness if we called each other by our last names?

 _"Then Harry, why are you awake at this hour of the night?"_ I hadn't realized how late it was. It was around midnight by my watch's time. I was out past curfew, again.

 _"I lost track of time earlier and went to drop our classes off."_ I paused. I didn't think he needed to know about Mr. A's suspicious behavior yet. " _I heard a noise, went after it, and got lost."_ Damn it.

 _"Sure, you heard a noise."_ This made him laugh. If you have never seen Draco Malfoy laugh, I would recommend it. It will make you forget about your stupidity and go right along with him. He looked genuinely happy for the first time ever.

" _Why were you up Draco?"_

" _I... couldn't sleep,"_ he replied curtly. I didn't feel the need to press him. He hadn't pressed me, so why should I? " _I can start now if you like. I won't be going to the dorms anytime soon."_

_"The lessons?"_

_"If that's what you're going to call them then sure."_

_"Where should we start?"_

_"Well for starters, you can't just fingerspell the words you don't know! You have to learn their signs at some point."_

And with that, we were alone in the library, practicing sign language for the next few hours. We would occasionally laugh, or our conversations would sidetrack. Just two boys that couldn't sleep and somehow made a neutral agreement not to kill each other.

That night was the most alive I had felt in over a year. 


	8. Chapter 7- First Day Confrontations

The next morning I ended up on the floor _again_ by none other than Ron Weasley.

Again just like the last morning, the dorms were practically empty except for three people. Ron soon left again, without a word.

See, Ron has this temper problem, I think it's a Gryffindor thing. He's pretty self-conscious of his friends leaving him so I think he's still a bit rattled after what Ginny told him. I'll add that to one of the reasons why I will not be heading to the Burrow any time soon.

He tends to get angry and leave situations that feed into these thoughts, I knew he would come around though. I still couldn't help but be furious with Ginny. The worst part is, there's really not much I could do about it. 

I looked over to my right after getting up off the ground, to see green curtains closed around a bed. I ripped them open and tried shaking Draco awake. He sat up and gave me one of those half-hearted glares. I shrugged my shoulder in return and went into the bathroom to get ready.

I couldn't help but notice things about him. He looked sickly in the light. I hadn't noticed it last night. The bags under his eyes were probably darker than mine in fifth year and he looked exceptionally bony. His skin was paler than normal, something I would have thought impossible. All in all, he was obviously not ok.

I wondered if Draco and I were friends now? I had fun last night just having somebody to talk to. He didn't look at me as the savior everyone else did. It was refreshing to have something not completely tarnished by the war. We could still be just as snarky with one another as always, even if it didn't have as much behind it. Would Draco want to be friends though?

And if he did, would he want anybody to know?

\------------

When I made it to the Great Hall for breakfast something was off.

Ron and Hermione sat across from my usual seat at the eighth year table and were already in a heated discussion about Merlin knows what.

As I made my move towards the table I made sure to take note of who was there. I saw almost everybody seated casually. Then I took a double-take. Draco was gone. This normally wouldn't have bothered me, (ok yes it would have, but we won't talk about my strange "Malfoy Curiosity™") but when your sworn nemesis for seven years is all of a sudden not a stuck-up git for one night, you tend to reevaluate how you really feel towards them.

I figured we could be friends and probably would have been years ago if we had both phrased that initially meeting differently. So, maybe this was the time to fully put that aside. Let's face it, I had a great time last night and he wasn't at all how I was used to seeing him. I wondered if that was due to the fact we finally didn't have a real motive to kill each other or he was allowed to put down his Maly Mask for the first time ever.

After his trial, it was not surprising that his father was put in Azkaban and his mother on house arrest. Narcissa hadn't actually taken the mark and saved my life in many ways. She is currently on house arrest, but rumors of her going insane have started to spread so I wouldn't count her lucky.

"Hey guys I need to go check on something," I said after a few bits of breakfast, "I'll see you in DADA ok?" I was about to leave when Hermione stopped me.

I was growing agitated at the fact they felt I couldn't go off on my own, then I remembered what McGonagall had said. " _Ron says he'll take you. I don't want you to get hurt Harry. We care about you,"_ she said the last sentence with extreme sincerity in her eyes, so I begrudgingly agreed.

As I said, I love my friends, and all I just really did not want to have to look for Malfoy with Ron on my back. They both knew about my constant need to know what was going on with him, or as they would say "obsession". I really doubted though they would understand I was looking for him to make sure he was safe and not that he was raising a batch of death eater zombies.

We left the Hall and I took out my map. Ron gave me a strange look and I thought it best that now if he needed to ask a question I wouldn't be able to understand it.

On the map, I found Draco on the third-floor on his way to DADA, our first class of the day. What made me nervous was he wasn't alone. I broke off into a sprint with Ron close behind.

Zacharias Smith and Terry Boot aren't a typical pair of friends, but I guess lots of people are trying to make new friendships after the war.

It's no secret that a lot of people hate Smith and it's not like he ever liked me so it was a fair game. They both, however, were in the DA, so when I saw them using the spells I taught them outside of class I would have been proud. This was not that case.

Both boys had managed to corner Draco and he was entirely helpless. When you can't hear not only do you not know when an ambush may happen, you also don't know what they're ambushing you with so you can cast the proper countercurse.

Before they could do too much damage I cast a quick _Expelliarmus_ and _Herbifors,_ causing me to take both of their wands and their hair to turn into brightly colored flowers. I refused to use spells that would actually cause them harm, I wouldn't feel much better than them. In their shock, they ran away leaving the three of us in the hallway.

Ron looked absolutely dumbfounded that I had not only saved Draco but gone out of my way to do so.

 _"What Happened? Are you ok? Why were they here?"_ I walked over to where Draco was crouched and sat back on my knees in front of him. He still looked shocked so I repeated my questions. When he shook out of his daze he sent me a glare. I didn't take it to heart.

" _I don't know why they were here, but you could probably guess. I'm not very popular if you haven't noticed. I didn't see what they were saying, so I was thrown off when they pushed me into this wall without explanation. I'm fine thank you very much."_

At that, he made a move to get up and stand. When his right knee buckled he let out a sigh and put his head against the wall. Ron tried to hide his sniggering with the back of his hand.

 _"Yes, obviously,"_ I took my wand back out and muttered an _Episky_ on his ankle. I saw his lips move slowly like he was saying something under his breath. _"What was that?"_

With a pained face, he signed, " _I said thanks. You didn't have to do that."_

_"Why wouldn't I? I was here and you were hurt."_

_"Speaking of, why are you here?"_ I flushed, not knowing how to explain I was using the map on him.

 _"I was going to class early,"_ he rolled his eyes and gave me a look.

 _"Sure you were. If that's the case, care to join me?"_ I glanced back at Ron who was leaning against the wall and staring Draco down, he paid no mind to it.

He obviously had no clue what we were saying, but he probably was predicting the worse.

" _Only if you let Ron come too and aren't rude. We may be in a rocky spot,"_ he looked confused, and didn't question it, " _but he's my friend and the only hearing abled person here. We wouldn't want a repeat of this."_

_"The Weasel! You've gone mad if you think I'll be friends with him."_

_"You made up with me didn't you?"_

He remained silent. (well he always was technically silent, but that's beside the point)

"Hey, Ron! Care if Malfoy joins us for class?" I didn't turn around to see his expression. "No? Ok great," and then I hoisted Draco off the ground and walked towards the classroom.

I didn't notice Ron's face, but there was some slight hurt in Draco's when I used his last name. I'll talk to him about that later.

\------------------

The class went by smoothly, save the strange looks from my friends that Draco and I didn't hex each other to pieces.

It was a little weird though to have to sit by him and the front and watch Mr. A the whole time. His hands moved so fast I couldn't keep up half the time.

Afterwords Draco took his notes and duplicated them. He handed them over after making a small comment about how mine were impossible to read, then swiftly left me standing in the hall.

We only had two classes a day with a lunch break in between. I'm pretty sure Hermione convinced McGonagall to let her take more, but I never asked.

I didn't sit by Draco at lunch, but part of me wished I had. Nobody except Hermione could really hold a conversation with me. That isn't their fault, if anything it's mine for not being able to read lips. I've had too many people in life go out of their way to please me so I was glad to have this ounce of normalcy.

I looked over to the Slytherin end of the table a lot. It felt oddly like sixth year. My friend's sent me questioning glances, but remained quiet.

Towards the end, he caught my stare, and again I felt that unfamiliar heat in my face. Probably embarrassment.

One thing I love about sign language is that all you need is eye contact and a nice view of their hands. Meaning, people couldn't listen in and we didn't have to be close.

" _Are you going to go?"_ he nodded his head towards the doors.

 _"Yes, give me a second."_ He stood up and walked to the entrance.

_"Hey Mione, Malfoy and I are going to head to class early. It wouldn't be smart for us to be out in the rush. Ron told you about him?"_

_"Yeah, he did. Weird how it affected both of you. We'll look into that."_

_"If you don't want to that's fine. We can sort it out so you can keep up in your studies."_

She sent me a knowing look. She obviously got something I didn't. _"Very well. I'll leave-"_ she snapped her head at Seamus, who was sitting next to her. After a small verbal lashing, by the looks of it, she turned back. _"I'll leave to two be for the time being."_

_"Thanks. What did Seamus say?"_

_"He thinks we're forming a gang,"_ she signed with a straight face.

I chuckled a little to myself and waved goodbye.

 _"What was Finnegan yelling about?"_ Draco asked as we walked to Muggle Studies.

_"Gang signs."_

\----------------------

Muggle Studies was a mess.

Looking back on it, I should have realized signing up for this class was a bad idea. It started once we took our seats.

I have to sit by Draco in front of all my classes, so we can see the interpreter, therefore I knew instantly something was off.

The first sign was right before the teacher walked in and his leg started shaking rapidly. I thought it was just a small tic so I let it slide. Then he was twirling his quill and biting the inside of his cheek. I had no clue what was making him so nervous.

Then the professor came into the classroom and as she set up I noticed his face contort and his chest become slow and heavy.

He pushed out his chair and ran out of the classroom.

 _"Do you want to go after him or should I?"_ Mr. A signed as the rest of the class looked to where Draco had gone.

 _"I will,"_ I responded hastily. Quickly throwing my things into my bag, I waved to the teacher as Mr. A whispered something to her and she got the class's attention again.

When I found him, he was sitting behind a column in a dim hallway. He looked almost scared with his hair blocking his eyes and arms around his knees. Slowly, I walked towards him.

I reached out and touched his arm. He flinched, flicking his head up to meet my eyes. They got wide and I thought I could see his breathing visibly slow.

"I'm ok. I'm not going to hurt you," I whispered aloud, "do you need anything?"

He shook his head and pointed to his chest. He definitely wasn't breathing anymore.

I needed something that could either calm him down or ground him. I carefully took his hand and brought it up to my heart.

"Can you feel that?" He nodded his head. "Concentrate, breathe with the beat," we were so close it was almost impossible for him not to see what I said.

His eyes trembled slightly and were glossed over with emotion. I knew he was almost over the mental wall of panic.

His eyes fluttered for a brief second and he breathed, slowly.

He seemed to come back to reality as he took his hand back and loosened up his body.

 _"I'm sorry. We can go back in now."_ It was sloppy, almost distracted, but I understood what he meant.

 _"No. You don't have to. Do you want to talk about-"_ He grabbed my wrists and lowered my hands.

_"Burbage. She's the reason I didn't want to tea this class"_

_"Did she do something to you?"_

_"No. I saw her..."_

"Oh," he saw her die. She died at Malfoy Mannor, why didn't I figure that out. He didn't want to take Muggle Studies because he had to witness the old professor die, not because he had a simple grudge against muggles.

"You have such a way with words," I reached across the space and wiped a stray tear from his eye as he let out a weak laugh.

I stood and reached out my hand to bring him up. He accepted and quickly retracted it, wiping his hand on his trousers. My hand gets cold now, like it was missing something. 

_"Come on then, we can't go back in there."_

_"Where are we going?"_

_"To the library, I've heard it's a great place if you need the quiet."_

_"Harry, to us it's always... nevermind."_

_\------------------_

_"So you mean to tell me that you haven't found any books that could be of use and that you suspect our interpreter of hoarding them all?"_

_"Maybe?"_ We had been looking through random books for the rest of the class hour. Only having two classes a day was fantastic.

We had agreed to tell McGonagall to change Muggle Studies to History of Magic. She didn't have any problems with it, nor did she ask why.

_"As I said, he had the only copy I've seen of any of these titles in the school. He might know where the others are."_

_"Or, he just happened to be reading up on magical disabilities. He does specialize in them. Anyone could have the other books."_

I sighed, scrubbing my face as I sat down and leaned against the shelves.

"Ow," looking up I noticed it was his pointed shoe that poked me in the side. _"What was that for?"_

 _"You have company."_ He stuck his thumb towards the door of the library. _"If I were you I would just talk to Mr. A himself. He'll probably help you out."_

Standing up again, I sent him a confused look. He shrugged, grabbed the first novel in sight, walked past me, and sat at a table.

I felt him slip something into my pocket.

I looked back at him as he settled in. He had the audacity to wink.

Ron and Hermione seemed concerned. Ron wasn't in the class, but Hermione had told him what she saw. They didn't even mention Draco though.

I don't know why I suspected they were getting along now. I was the one that reached out to him, not them. They probably thought he hadn't changed and I was just trying to be nicer.

I'll have to talk to them about that later.

 _"Where on Earth did you go?"_ Hermione scolded with her arms akimbo.

" _I just had to help someone, that's all."_ It wasn't totally a lie, but I didn't have the heart to share something so personal when it wasn't my place.

" _That's no reason to leave class, Harry."_ I was getting a little frustrated, but I had to remember she really didn't know what happened.

" _It's fine. I just remembered we went to the wrong class. We signed up for History of Magic."_ So it wasn't the best pie I've told, but it wasn't the worst either.

" _If you say so,"_ she sent another one of those all-knowing looks that made me wonder how she truly did know so much about everything.

She quickly explained to Ron who had tuned out our signing and was looking over at something. Maybe someone?

" _Why Malfoy?"_ Trust me his sign is getting better. Well, maybe not but, he's getting there.

" _What do you mean?"_

 _"He's trying to ask why you were here all friendly with Malfoy of all people,"_ Hermione replied.

_"I wasn't that friendly and he's changed. A lot. Plus we are kind of in the same boat with the whole hearing loss thing."_

Ron whispered something to Hermione that I obviously couldn't catch. I have to ask Draco how he does that because this is getting annoying. 

_"Well, if that's all, then we best be going. Just checking up to make sure you're ok. I have one more class for today so goodbye,"_ and with that, she left, leaving Ron's mouth agape. 

"Go with her," and he was gone too. 

Draco had his head buried in his book. It was getting late so I thought it would be best to head to the dorms and get some work done. 

It wasn't until I was out of the library I thought to dig in my pocket. Inside was a small note, written in the neatest script I've ever seen.

_Meet me outside the library before sign lessons tonight. Bring your cloak too and try not to be seen._

_-Draco x_

Merlin, what have I gotten myself into.


	9. Chapter 8- Never a Straight Answer

Ok, so I might overthink things... a lot. 

I didn't even go the dinner that night because I was so hung up on the note. So when I first read it nothing out of the ordinary seemed to be there. He wanted to help me investigate my newest problem and who was I to deny some support?

Then I saw that one letter. A small _x_ after his name. 

The only time I had ever seen someone use an _x_ to end a note is when they really, _really_ liked that person or when they were in a relationship. Sure I'm friends with Draco, but that's it. Just friends. Not even great friends considering how new a development this whole thing is and our large history. 

Though he was pureblood and fancy like that. Maybe it was customary or maybe he hasn't had much experience with writing letters to friends? No, that can't be right. He's definitely written formal letters before. 

He really should be more careful about who he writes that kind of thing too. what if I left it on my dresser and Ron or, worse, Zacharias saw it? 

I have no problem with being gay. I mean I get it, well no, not like that. I mean, I understand why someone would be gay... that doesn't make a lot of sense. I can see why someone would be attracted to men. They're attractive and much easier to understand and talk to. I've always found them more interesting than women. That doesn't mean I would date a guy! Maybe as a last resort... but I don't know where I was going with this thought. 

Almost everyone knew, better assumed, that Draco was in fact gay. Like I said earlier, he's fancy and pureblooded, so if he was gay, he would have had to hide that fact. The last thing we both need is for the _Profit_ to get word of some new rumors about my love life. Which, by the way, there isn't one.

After word got out that Ginny and I broke up, all that they talked about was, "Why would they ruin something that was meant to be?" and "Foul play in the lastest Potter relationship!" and, my personal favorite, "Harry Potter has been Imperiused by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named from the dead, and here's proof!"

Trust me, there is a lot more important news to be reporting. 

I sighed, hanging over the side of my bed upside down. I figured it was getting late and I'm not going to just avoid this. I cast a _Tempus_ charm and hit my head on the ground.

Throwing my cloak over me and my shoes untied, I only had one thought in my head.

_Shit, I'm late._

\---------------

_"Well, you're in quite the state."_

_"I know, sorry I'm late."_ I really wasn't that late, but to him, it seemed to be like I had just compromised the most dangerous mission of his life. And I _know_ what that mission was. 

_"You can't barge in on a professor like that,"_ he drawled, glancing at my shoes. 

Draco bent down and took the laces in his hands. Very quickly he tied them and then stood up. My breath hitched slightly, remembered my thoughts from earlier. He was awfully close.

"So," I mouthed since he was close enough to see even in the dim torchlight, "what was your plan. I still don't know quite why we're here." 

I saw him search my features before he let out a breath that swept across my face. He stepped back.

 _"We are going to go to Mr. A's private quarters, before sunset this time. Last time you saw him you said it was almost there correct?"_ The question was more rhetorical if nothing, but I still nodded dumbly. _"I have a theory that that may be why he was in such a hurry. Lots of magical spells and components depend on the start of nighttime or the moon's pull."_

Trust Draco to be able to come up with a plan only the same day I had told him what had happened. 

_"Ok, but last time he wasn't there. What if he's gone again?"_

_"Alhohamora should do the trick, right?"_ Well, that was true I guess. Breaking into the same quarter two days in a row was not my ideal way to get to know the new guy, but when have I ever been ideal.

_"I guess it will, we should probably get going if we want to go before sunset."_

We walked for a while in silence. I found it extremely awkward, but if he did too he showed no signs of discomfort. He was still close and out shoulders brushed with every step. He continued to look forward, seemingly oblivious to my inner turmoil. 

We stopped outside the door and glanced at one another. I inhaled deeply then knocked on the door. 

Almost immediately, Mr. A appeared in the doorway. _"Is there anything I can do for you boys?"_

 _"We were wondering if we could ask you about something?"_ Draco signed back as he tried peering over Mr. A's shoulder.

 _"Yes, yes, come in please."_ He waved us over to the small couch in the center of the room. 

I was slightly started when I looked over to see him already settled into the chair across from us. Is he really that fast?

Draco furrowed his eyebrows and nodded for me to ask. 

_"We need to borrow a book from you."_ I probably looked stupid. Why would we ask a sign interpreter for a book?

_"You couldn't get it from the library?"_

_"No, it seems you have the only copy,"_ Draco cut in beside me. 

His eyes got wide for a split second and I could see the dark, almost reddening flecks in them. He calmed down fast before signing, "I haven't a clue what that book would be. I'm sure that there is another book that could help you in the library."

 _"See, that's the thing, Mr. A,"_ I started, _"there are other books, but they are missing too. I know you have at least one and don't try to deny it. If you could just help us out a bit we won't bother you anymore."_

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His eyes locked on mine and then down to his watch. In one fluid motion, he stood up. _"Dreadfully sorry boys, but I'm going to be late to a meeting with Madam Pompfry if I'm late. Just a small checkup no need to worry, but I'd hate to keep her waiting."_

_"Wait. Please can we just have a look at that book?"_

_"I already told you I don't know what you're talking about. You've only told me that you need a book, not what it is. Now before I'm any later I'll be leaving now."_ He held the door open and motioned for us to leave. 

He walked away from the teachers' corridor and we headed back towards the library. 

_"Well, that sucked,"_ I signed to Draco. He didn't have the look in his eyes I thought he would. 

_"No, now we know he's panicking meaning he's definitely up to something. Let me check something."_

We were in the entrance hall a little way down from the library. Draco walked over to one of the tall windows and pulled the curtain back. He waved me over. 

_"See, we did learn something."_ Now I saw why Draco mentioned it earlier. It all made sense, but just with no reason behind it yet. 

The sun had set. 


	10. Chapter 9- A Little Bird Told Me

_"So, where would you like to start?"_

We had settled into the aisle farthest back of the Library. A small can was flickering in between us casting a soft hue on Draco's face. It was times like these that I wish I had full use of my senses. I miss the loud sounds of silence. 

_"My main issue isn't my signing abilities. They may be sloppy according to you, but they're perfectly readable to anybody who understands it. That's the problem, nobody knows sign language. I need to be able to communicate again with them normally."_

_"Well considering you can't hear anybody and we haven't got a clue as to how to solve that, I won't be able to help much with communicating normally. I did, however, find something before I came for this reason. It's not the best solution, though it is more accessible than signing for most. Lip-reading is a skill that I don't think you are quite ready for,"_ I swear I could still hear that drawl through his hand signs. 

_"Well, if you're so confident and are done gloating over your abilities then what is this solution."_ I rolled my eyes at his cockiness. Some things never change, though now I had a hard time finding it as a bad thing. 

_"It's not that, it's just... lip-reading took me a while to learn. I was going to save that for the next lesson. That is unless you don't want to continue."_ He was wearing that damn smirk again. Two can play at that game.

_"I don't know Malfoy. You sound like it's you who's trying not to drive me away."_

He faltered at that. _"Shut up, Potter."_

_"Back to last names are we? I thought we were making progress. And in case you haven't noticed we haven't been talking."_

_"Stop being a smartarse-"_

_"So, you admit I'm smart?"_

_"You truly are an insufferable git, you know that right?"_

_"Takes one to know one Draco, takes one to know one."_ I sighed and leaned back against a shelf containing books about Vampires. 

_"Anyways, here's the solution."_ He reached into his leather bag and brought out a short, thick blood-red book. On the front in stunning, monograms were the initials _DM_ printed in silver. 

_"Red? and is this your diary? We may not be enemies anymore, but I don't think we're that close."_ I really couldn't understand why he was giving this to me. Shouldn't these things be kept private? Then, my mind wandered to my thoughts just a few hours ago and I had to shake them away. 

_He's not trying to hit on you, for Merlin's sake. Those might just be rumors too. Who knows, he might be dating someone. And it's not like I'm-_

_"Hello... earth to Harry?"_ I blinked those thoughts away as he waved a hand in front of my face.

_"What? No, I'm fine. What's the book for though?"_

_"It's not perfect, but it's something. I figured you could write with people in it. Then they wouldn't have to know sign and you won't have to read lips. I thought we could just write today."_

I took the book from his hands and he handed me a grey self-inking quill and I started to write.

_What do you want to talk about?_

_I don't know any ideas?_

_Tell me something..._

_Like what?_

_I want to know something that nobody else does about you._

_Anything in particular?_

He was getting fidgety and I knew why. There was a lot that happened to both of us that we wouldn't want to talk to people about. I was kind of trying to answer those questions from earlier, but I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

_No, anything at all._

_Fine then..._

Draco paused and tapped the quill to his chin. Then very quickly he wrote again. 

_I still want to know more about Muggles. My father shielded them from me and I hate not knowing things. I can't bear the class, but I wish there was another way to learn._

_I could help with that..._

_How so?_

_We could go into Muggle London sometime. I've only been a few times and that was just to get to Wizarding London, so it would be a learning experience for both of us._

_You would do that?_

He looked up and for the first time, I saw a truly unguarded expression on his face. He seemed so vulnerable writing about things he used to have to hide. I can't imagine how it would be to not even be able to think about Muggles. I was raised the complete opposite of Draco.

_Of course. Don't start getting sappy with me, but I think you aren't that bad to be around._

_You know... you aren't that bad either..._

I smiled at him. He had a weird way of showing it, but he really did have emotions. Who knew Draco Malfoy was human under that mask?

 _Ok, it's your turn_ , he wrote.

_Anything particular from you?_

_Yes, actually._

This surprised me. What on Earth could he have to ask me about? Almost all of my life was printed and published for the world. 

_Why did you and Weasley break up?_

If I didn't know any better I might have said he asked just to make sure we really had broken up. I really was beating this thought into the ground, but I can't be the only one seeing this right?

_I haven't told anyone..._

_I know, that's why I want to know._

_Well, it's a very long story._

_I've got time._

_Fine... here goes nothing._

_\----------------_

_Flashback to the Battle of Hogwarts_

"Hey, Ron! You haven't seen Ginny anywhere. I need to tell her too." 

I had just finished telling Ron and Hermione I was going out into the forest. As they walked away, Hermione crying into Ron's shoulder, I yelled for him.

"Yeah mate, she's gonna be a mess. I don't know what's been going on this year, but she seems really shifty whenever someone brings you up. Try the Great Hall by... she might still be there." 

The news of Fred's death had just happened, and I knew this wasn't a good time to be bringing up my inevitable death too. I was only telling the people that needed to know and my girlfriend seemed like one of those people.

"Hey um, thanks again... for everything."

He nodded towards the doors and a loud crash was heard a few halls down. The battle was in full swing. 

I entered the Hall and was hit with the severity of what was going on. I would never forget this. My life was short, Trelawney had always said so, but it wasn't 'til now that it sunk in. I was going to die. My only thought was I have to tell Ginny before it's too late.

She kneeled over her brother with many of the other Weasleys. Some, like Ron, were trying to push it away and finish the Battle first. Ginny could barely move. 

Resting a hand on her shoulder she flinched, "Hey Gin, you have a minute?"

"Sure, Harry what's up?" I walked her over to the corner of the room and she dabbed her eyes with her sleeve lightly.

"It's about Voldemort," she grimaced, "I need to go into the forest. Before you can stop me, this isn't up for decision, I just felt like you deserved to know... in case... you know," I trailed off. 

I had expected a touching moment. On of those sappy romantic things where she cried and kissed me goodbye. I was somewhat relieved when she didn't, but I would have taken that over what came. 

"Are you mad? You pull me along only to leave me for a whole year and then announce you've gone off to kill yourself!? How dare you! Fred's gone and you decide now's the perfect time to leave. Did you ever care about me or was I just a distraction in sixth year?" She was getting progressively angrier and I was grateful nobody was around to hear us over the loud noise echoing in the Hall. 

"Are you serious right now Gin? I have to die in order for this to end, can't you see that? Of course, I cared about you. Why wouldn't I?"

"What did you expect Harry! You were gone for a year! Merlin knows who you could have met while you were out. You're the bloody boy-who-lived for Godric's sake." Her face was getting almost as red as her hair. I hadn't realized she felt this way. Then I noticed it.

"You sound guilty," I stated with recognition seeping into my tone.

"What do you mean guilty?" Her eyes were no longer glued to mine. 

"Usually when someone brings up things like that in an argument it's to draw attention away from what they've done. Be honest with me Ginny, because I never cheated. There wasn't any time to fool around out there."

"So, that's all I was. Someone to fool around with." Her face was laced with more anger and mock hurt.

"Stop avoiding the question!"

"Then you stop avoiding mine!"

We stared at each other, unsure of who would break first. The tension was so tangible I could have cut it with my fingers. Then a single tear fell down her face.

"I'm sorry Harry. I can't be with you anymore after I tell you this. It wouldn't be right."

"What do you mean?" The air had deflated from my chest. I've always loved Ginny even if it wasn't the way she expected me to. 

"I-" she gulped nervously, "I did. Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry." She turned to leave, but I caught her wrist. 

"Explain, please. If I die... I want to know." I could feel the water in my own eyes threatening to spill. This was not how I was intending it to go. 

"I was alone, so alone this year. It was terrible, but you wouldn't know that. Everything was so dark and you had just left with practically no explanation. I thought we were through for a while. I needed someone to help me forget everything. I- I cheated Harry. I'm terrible and now you probably hate me." 

"You did what?!" I was shocked. At the time I know it was wrong to be this upset about something like this. She wasn't handling it horribly, but my anger has always gotten the best of me. "If you weren't happy we should have called it off earlier! Merlin knows I didn't want to date you!"

That was it. If I had only taken that back, then nobody would have known. 

"What's that supposed to mean? Of course, you did. That's why we dated!" 

But she couldn't understand what was going through my head the year we had gotten together. I was going through a tough time and she was right in away. She was more of a distraction or an experiment. I felt sick at the thought of using her like that. 

Way back in sixth year, I had been going through a strange period in my life. I had finally understood what it meant to truly fancy someone. The problem was it was never who I wanted it to be. 

I remember when Ron asked me who I did fancy, I simply thought of all the girls I was friends with and picked one. There was no real attachment. The images that popped into my head were just a coincidence.

Like I said before, I am not gay. 

It was perfectly ok if other people were, that didn't affect me. It did, however, affect me if I was the one being attracted to that. 

I pushed it out of my head and started dating Ginny, she was the only future I could ever see myself realistically having. 

"No, it's not why we dated. I only dated you so I could be normal again. I hate being different! It's been like that my whole life. Can't you see why I needed to date someone? People might have suspected."

"Suspected what?"

"I don't know. I've never really liked girls that much and it was only a matter of time before someone noticed."

"Are you saying that I've been dating a Homosexual for the past two years?" she retorted, getting louder.

"Keep it down! If someone around here thought the same it would be chaos when this is over. You can't yell things like that in this era." 

People are very different in their views of sexuality these days. I didn't want to potentially cause myself harm over something that I wasn't entirely sure was true. 

"So you are then!"

"I never said anything like that!" I really felt backed into a corner here. Why couldn't we go back to who she cheated on me with?

"Who made you realize it? You must have had someone on the side for you to figure it out!" 

"I just said, I never said I was. While we're on the topic, who was it you actually cheated on me with?"

"You really care? Fine then, it was Anthony." She looked almost smug now. 

"Goldstein?"

She nodded, "Yes, and if you tell anybody about it, I'll tell the whole school about you."

"It wouldn't matter," I said with a false calm, "It's not true."

"Are you sure about that? I remember someone who you wouldn't shut up about all sixth year while we were together. I bet you fancied him instead."

I couldn't believe what she was saying. "And who might that have been?"

"Are you really that stupid? It was M- _mph_ " I clasped a hand over her mouth. 

"Shut it. We're though Ginny. You're a horrible person."  
  


"Takes one to know one Harry. " She said with a smirk. 

"Wait until people find out. They'll hate you, you know that right?" I was about to take my leave just then. "If I see you again, I won't let you control me with this. Goodbye Gin."

"You going to just go and die then?" She called after me.

"You know," I turned back towards her, "I think I will."

And so, I did.

\------------------------

My hand was cramped once I had finished. I passed the book to Draco for him to read. 

Ten minutes later he handed it back with a sigh, a new line written on it.

_That relationship sounds like it was never going to work. It looked toxic._

I nodded, gesturing for the journal and quill. 

_I suppose you're right, I just wish I had seen it sooner._

_It can be hard to figure those kinds of things out about yourself. Sometimes you never learn to cope with it. I hope you can._

_What do you mean?_

_People who speak from experience often give the best advice, never forget that Harry._

I sent him a funny look and he just shoved the stuff into my hands. 

"Keep it. It has a charm similar to the catalogs in the library, so it shouldn't run out of pages." He gathered his things and reached a hand out for me to take.

I accepted and quickly, as he had done earlier, retracted it. I felt vulnerable now. It had felt good to finally tell someone what had happened between me and Ginny, but I wasn't sure if Draco was the person I should have told first. Either way, I don't think it mattered much in the end. 

I thought about what he said as he sent me a funny look. _Speak from experience,_ so they weren't rumors after all. They had to be true, though it's not like I could outright ask him. Maybe later he would tell me, and maybe he didn't quite know yet. 

I got that funny feeling in my throat again as he bent down and lifted the candle and brought it to a table. With a wave and one last glance, he swept out of the dark library. 

Just before the candle burned out, I noticed one last phrase in the journal.

_Goodnight, Harry x_


	11. Chapter 10- Suspicion

The next three weeks passed in a blur.

Draco and I had agreed to meet up three times a week: Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. If my friends were suspicious of anything, they didn't let on. I think part of them was just too scared to set me off and the other didn't want to ruin the simple rhythm we had created.

Classes had gone into full swing, so it was hard to find a time to hang out with Ron and Hermione. I hate being a third-wheel to them. I've grow to understand that if we don't have free time that I should just let them be when we finally do.

On those days where I wasn't really with anybody I found the full use of my home again. My Firebolt and I had become acquainted again after months without use. I missed the rushing feeling of the wind. It was so much more prominent without having to hear the air in my ears.

I went out to see Hagrid once over the past weeks. He hasn't changed much, but I do miss his voice. It was so unique and the book did nothing with his scratchy handwriting. I mention a few of the things that had been on my mind, not saying any names. Hagrid has always been a sort of therapist when I needed it. He's a great listener.

I also had decided to leave Mr. A alone for the time being. I was really enjoying talking to Draco and searching the library for just one other book we could use that I didn't want to ruin that. He also had given me no further reasons so be worried, so I'll just let him give the books up on his own time.

My life had become so routine, in fact, that I was unable to see anyway that something could interfere.

I wish I had been right.

\--------------

It was a little before midnight. The library windows were dark and our small torchlight casted a warm hue across the shelves.

We had been looking through the books for hours to no avail. I think that they had some sort of engorgment charm because there was no way that this many books could fit onto those shelves. 

I looked over at Draco to see him crouched down by the lowest books, something about magical first aid. His hair fell into his eyes and I had the strange urge to brush it away for him. He must have noticed me staring because he looked over and quirked an eyebrow.

My face heated a little so I quickly went back my own shelf about cooking herbs. When I was sure he wasn't pining me with his eyes anymore I chanced another glance over.

He had rolled his sleeves up to the elbows, seemingly he was getting warm. I guess he was used to the emptiness of Malfoy Manor where nobody would judge him for it. My breath hitched as I gazed at the black skull mark on his left arm.

The Dark Mark was a very taboo subject in the Wizarding World. Several people that had it were allowed to walk free. Draco being one, though he was still on probation. Snape was given a few different awards for his death, claiming it as a noble sacrifice. Most, however, were in Azkaban.

I didn't want to be embarrassed further and I needed Draco to trust me that I wouldn't hate him for his past. It was something we never talked about. I'm still very unsure of how he sees his father or the things he was forced to do years ago.

I apparently didn't look away fast enough because he was quickly on his feet and tugging his shirt down to cover the mark.

 _"I'm feeling a bit tired today, I think I'll head back early. Feel free to stay."_ That liar. I know for a fact that one of the whole reasons we meet is for him to avoid sleeping. He never elaborated on that.

_"Don't lie. I-"_

_"Save it. I'm not a liar."_ One thing I absolutely hate about sign language is that they have to look at you to see it. He had turned his head, forcing the conversation to end. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

I reached out to grab his wrist, but he tugged away. I figured if this wasn't a good time to talk then I would let him go his own way for now. I wouldn't avoid this forever though. Whether I liked it or not, Draco was a part of my life now.

He made move to leave the library and I let him go. He took the torch with him so that he could find his way back. He wasn't allowed to use his wand in the corridors, some strange part of his probation.

What I found strange was that once the light was gone from where it had been, there was still a faint glow. I tried to find the source only to see a small torch in the distance, floating mid-air. It was attached to a hand, but that nad had nobody.

The floating hand must have noticed I was looking and suddenly it was gone. I stared where it was. It looked just like my hand had back in first year under the invisibility cloak.

\----------------

When I got back to the common room I was somewhat surprised to see Ron and Hermione sprawled out across the floor, books surrounding them.

Hermione waved me over, as tired as I may have been, I settled in between them.

I took out Draco's old journal and quill and wrote to them.

_You'll never guess what I just saw._

I handed it back and they both leaned in to read it. Hermione scooted closer to him and Ron slyly took her unused hand into his.

Ron motioned for the quill.

_I swear if this is about him again._

Hermione made a visible snort as she read over his shoulder.

_What do you mean?_

_I feel like you just don't shut up about him._

I sent him a questioning look. _Who?_

Hermione gave me a hard glare. _Are you really that oblivious? We mean Malfoy of course._

_No! Why would I want to talk about him?_

They did that annoying thing that couples do where they seem to be talking without moving their mouths. They can talk all they want, I wouldn't be able to understand.

Y _ou just seem to be rather friendly lately. It's weird to look at,_ Ron quickly responded.

_What's that supposed to mean? Are you sure you aren't just paranoid again?_

_No trust me. You should ask Ginny about it. She's gone mental trying to spot him out._

I cringed at his choice of words as I wrote back. _I will not be talking to Ginny anytime soon._

_Really? She went down to the library to see you I think. I gave her your cloak, hope you don't mind. You've been disappearing there a lot._

As Hermione read that she mentioned something to Ron and he just shook his head. Probably something that didn't concern me. Some part of my mind thought that maybe that's exactly the reason they didn't want me to know.

_What do you mean she went down? Like, just now?_

_Yeah, but you must have left. What was it you mentioned earlier?_

Shit. _Nothing I'm just going to go to bed._

So, it was Ginny in the library. And she had seen everything.

\----------------------

It took all that was in me to drag myself out of bed the next day.

For the first time this year, Ron wasn't there to wake me up. I looked over to my nightstand and as the journal opened.

_I was going to wake you, but you might want to sleep in today. Just a thought._

Well, that was oddly kind of him.

One thing that was the same, Draco was still sound asleep in the next bed over. I never really noticed how little sleep he got, but I knew his schedule wasn't what was recommended.

He slowly rose after being shaken for a solid three minutes. He yawned, pulling the curtains fully away as I got dressed. 

I sat on the bed across from him while putting on my shoes. _"What time is it,"_ he signed, " _the sun is higher than normal."_

_"How would you know that?"_

_"I just do."_ He cast something that turned out to be a _Tempus_ charm. It read 8:45.

Draco seemed to mutter something that was obviously a curse. After a quick cleaning charm and hastily put on robes, he moved to me.

" _Look at me,"_ he motioned while poking his wand into my shoulder. Still feeling groggy I didn't argue.

I felt slightly tingly and when he nodded at his work I noticed it was another cleaning charm. Stuck-up prat.

He looked back over at the time and his eyes got wide before grabbing my hand and running through it so it dissipated. Any feeling of fatigue I had left was gone at the motion.

My hand. He was touching my hand. Oddly I didn't mind it as much as my mind was telling me to. Oh well, it's fine.

The halls were entirely empty asides some pair of sixth years snogging in the corridor.

We stopped outside the doors to the Hall and he finally let go. It felt cold where he dropped my hand, not like I'd ever tell him that though

He was panting heavily, but I just rolled my eyes and pushed the doors open.

Ok, this was a bit cliche, but so is my life.

Everyone's mouths shut and eyes were pulled towards me. It kinda felt like fifth year.

Some looked away, either trying to make it look like they didn't care or that they were avoiding me. Others weren't even looking at me. They were looking at Draco.

I noticed the long red hair out of the corner of my eye. Ginny looked smug like she was finally going to get back at me for something I didn't do, well sort of.

She walked in between Draco and me, slipped both her hands into our pockets.

She sent me a wink and shut the doors behind her. We looked at each other. I shrugged and walked to our table.

He was reading a note as he walked, kinda careless if you ask me. Oh, it was Ginny's note.

Just as I took mine out, he ran out of the Hall. Everyone's eyes following him as he went.


	12. Chapter 11- Can't Run Away

_How's it feel to be planning with the Death Eater. I always knew it was something. -Gin_

What just happened?

I read the note from Ginny three times before it sunk in. Draco had read his and he obviously didn't enjoy it. It reoccurred to me that I was still planted a meter away from the table, unmoving. I signed a quick _sorry_ to Hermione and ran after him. 

He hadn't gone far, not really anyways. I had taken a habit to carry the map with me wherever I went, so it was easy to see he was in the old Medival Mythology classroom that hadn't been used in years.

I was still in fairly good shape from the War, so I made it there in about a minute. 

When I found him he was in a surprisingly different state than last time. He looked slightly more put together than he had been in the last few weeks. He looked like the Draco from two years ago.

He paced three times before noticing I had entered. I leaned against a desk across from him. 

_"You should go."_ I couldn't believe it, what was in that note?

 _"No, I don't think I will."_ I really didn't want him pushing me away like that. It made it seem like he didn't care about me when I-, nevermind. 

He turned to meet my gaze head-on. _"We shouldn't have even started talking civilly, I knew people don't trust me."_

_"Draco, it doesn't matter. I trust you now. What has made that change? "_

My whole life I had never been a huge fan of change. Draco seemed like a part of that routine I couldn't get rid of, no matter what.

 _"The people out there, they think I'm corrupting you. They can't understand why you would have me around otherwise."_ That was a lie, of course, I wanted him around. 

_"Yeah, well you can't just run away from your problems. Face them like a man."_ He shot me a look that said I was going onto dangerous territory.

_"You may think like that, but it's not how I was raised. I care about what people think of me, I always have. I may still think you're an annoying git sometimes, but I no longer want the worst for you. If I drag you down I can't be the reason for that."_

_"Let me see your arm."_ Instantly, his hand flew to his left forearm and I moved closer. He searched my face as I reached out to brush my hand over the fabric of his sleeve. 

He loosed up and I was able to hold it, pulling his arm towards me. Carefully, I rolled up the cuff and saw the black ink fade into view. He looked away from it, so I used my other hand to move his chin towards me. 

I moved my lips, I was close enough for anyone to be able to read them. "You need to trust yourself. I don't hate you anymore, I've only ever truly hated one person. Become comfortable in your own skin, then push me away. Are you corrupting me?"

"What?" He said lightly.

I rolled my eyes and leaned in slightly, "Are. You. Corrupting. Me?" He put his hand on the desk behind him and looked around the room before responding.

"No. You know that."

"Then you have nothing to worry about." I pointed towards his arm and let go of his chin. 

He stared at it with anger in his eyes. I could see the physical pain that _one_ mark caused. It felt nice to have one more thing in common with him, a scar from Voldemort himself. 

After what felt like hours and seconds all at once he looked back at me. That was the Draco I became friends with, not the one from years ago.

"Thank you, Harry."

I smiled, "Anytime."

\----------------------

Ok, so I have come to a very bad conclusion. 

Back in fifth year, Ron and I made a list. (What can I say, it was a boring year.) Recently, I've been thinking about it more often. 

He was asking a lot about if I liked Cho, and at the time I wasn't sure. He came up with ten signs that you like a person and we eventually concluded that no, I did not like Cho. 

Here is why I think that list is becoming a problem based on the past few weeks.

\--------------------

_1\. You want to be around them._

_Two weeks ago._

_"Hey, Harry! Want to go flying tonight?"_ Ron had been asking for a few weeks to go out. 

_"Sorry, I can't I'm meeting Draco in the library. Maybe tomorrow?"_

_"You said that yesterday."_ He wasn't wrong, but then again it didn't matter. I just wanted to go to the library. (For the fifth time that week) What was the harm in that?

\-----------------

_2\. You think about them all the time._

_Five days ago_

Hermione sat up straight. _"Harry, why have your grades gone down in both History of Magic and Arithmancy?"_

 _"Its because they're boring,"_ Ron interjected. 

_"Yeah, that's why."_ I dismissed the conversation because I zoned out. (Like I had been doing in classes) Draco had just come into the common room. 

\-------------

_3\. You remember little details about them._

_Three days ago._

Draco and I were walking down the hallway to the library. He noticed his shoe had untied and asked for some light. 

"Yeah, no problem." He wasn't allowed to use his wand in the hallway no matter what. We talked about it in one of our meetings.

That meeting was September 27th, 9:55 pm in the last aisle of the library. Why did I remember that?

\-----------------

_4\. Being a friend doesn't sound like enough._

_Yesterday morning_

_"I hope you don't mind, Harry. I told Blaise and Pansy about us being friends now."_

_"Yeah, that's fine. I talked to them a little on the train. They mentioned..."_

The conversation continued, but my mind was stalled. For some reason, "friends" had stung.

\-------------

_5\. You are able to communicate easily_

_Twelve days ago_

"So, your mother is actually completely fine? Why would the media lie like that?"

_"Why wouldn't they? It's free press about one of the most hated families in the Wizarding World. I just don't want anyone to know a lot. She has been a little depressed lately. Not insane, just not stable. I wish I could be there for her sometimes."_

_"I get it. If my parents..."_

We hadn't told anybody those thoughts. 

\--------------

_6\. Everything reminds you of them._

_A combination of thoughts_

_No, I can't wear that. Green is Draco's color._

_That chair looks like the one Draco sits in, in the library._

_Aw, it's a worm. Worms are like snakes. Snakes are the symbol of Slytherin. Oh, Draco again._

_\--------------_

_6\. You do things for their attention._

_Five days ago._

_"Even though these grades are bad, you seem to be doing very well in potions. I think Malfoy is rubbing off on you."_

_"He must be, I wonder why he hasn't said anything about it?"_ She may have looked a little concerned. 

\--------------

_7\. You feel sparks when they touch you._

_A collection_

A brush on the shoulder.

A hand touching mine. 

Tripping and catching yourself on my arms. 

Every time the sparks.

\----------------

_8\. Time flies when you're together._

_15 days ago_

_"Harry, why didn't you come back to the dorm last night?"_

I stopped in my tracks. Ron and I were on the way to dinner and I hadn't given much thought into last night. 

_"What do you mean? I came back like I always do."_

_"No, you didn't. You only slept for thirty minutes. Why didn't you notice?"_

I didn't realize he was paying attention to my sleep schedule, not like it mattered when I got back. _"I must have lost track of time."_

\---------------

_9\. You can't control yourself sometimes._

_One week ago_

_"Why are you holding my hand?"_ Draco didn't seem upset. I had snuck up behind him and he was more amused than anything. I let go after a few minutes.

 _"I don't know, just felt like it."_ He shrugged and moved on. 

\-------------

_10\. You fantasize about them_

_A saga_

_"How weird would it be if Draco and I lived together?"_

_"It would be absolutely disgusting, Harry."_

_"Do you think Draco hates me?"_

_"Yes, because that's why he spends every night with you."_

_"Do you think Malfoy sounds like a bad last name?"_

_"What on Earth are you talking about?"_

_"Me? Nothing."_

_\---------------------_

It was undeniable now, and I was scared shitless. I officially hate that list, nothing good came from fifth year. 

I know I told Draco not to run from his past, but how do you run from a feeling.?


	13. Chapter 12- Vague Advice

"HERMIONE. My dorm. Now," I panted, resting my hands on my knees. 

I had mulled it over for the past week and I really thought I could escape it. Turns out the more you run from your feelings, the more they take you over.

 _"Slow down, what's wrong,"_ she turned around in the, luckily, empty corridor. I felt kinda bad for dragging her into this, but she's literally the only person who could slap some sense into me. 

"I can't say here, in case someone hears us," I had taken to talking to Hermione instead of signing because it was honestly just easier, even if it felt weird. 

"I mean you could always sign too-" She was taking too much time, so I grabbed her arms and ran back towards the dorm. 

When I had checked the room to see if anyone was hiding around, I ushered her to the bed. After five paces in front of her, she stuck her foot out and tripped me. "What was that for?"

_"Are you going to walk there all day or are you going to explain why I'm sitting here?"_

"Fine," I sat on the bed next to her. Placing my elbows on my knees I let out an exasperated sigh. "I don't know how to say this because I'm not even sure what I need to tell you." 

She laid a hand on my shoulder, _"It's ok Harry, it's not anything...,"_ she pointed to my scar.

"No, nothing like that." I had no clue how to start this conversation. "I think I might... I don't know Hermione. I need therapy or something at this point." 

She let out a small snort, _"Well I'm not denying that, but seriously what's up?"_

She was starting to look concerned and I didn't want her to freak out so I started small, kinda. "I think... I think I might, possibly, slightly, just a tiny bit like someone." 

Hermione rolled her eyes, _"Is that honestly all you wanted to tell me? Listen I get why you told me, but why not Ron? I'm not the best when it comes to girl advice."_

"Well... I don't really need any girl advice." I could see the gears turning in her head, her mouth forming a small "O". 

_"So, what you're saying is, you need vague advice?"_ I really don't deserve friends like her. _"Well, I still don't know if I'm the ideal person to talk to. You should really ask someone who has more experience with 'vague advice'. Harry, when you're ready, I'm here to listen."_

I flopped back on the bed, I just had to tell her at this point. "Th-they're a boy, 'Mione. I just don't get it."

She took my upper arm and pulled me back to a seated position. _"It's ok, I thought you liked Ginny though?"_ I could tell she was just trying to make me comfortable, but she was definitely doing the opposite. 

"Well, maybe at one point I did, but I don't think that's true. We had a really big falling out during the breakup."

 _"Do you want to tell me who it is?"_ She always wanted to know everything, and I understood why. I just thought this would be better if kept wrapped up. 

"No, it probably won't even go anywhere so nobody needs to know." 

She frowned slightly, _"Why would you think that?"_

"These kinds of relationships are slightly different than, well you know. They just don't last, plus they probably don't even like me back." I furrowed my brows. 

_"I can think of someone who would disagree."_ She seemed amused with herself. 

I walked her to the door, "Oh yeah, and who's that?"

She pointed over to the corner of the room, to a bed with the curtains closed. _"Harry, sometimes you forget that not everyone is deaf."_ She shared the inside joke with herself, _"trust me, he can help you."_

She walked away, leaving me gaping in the doorway. 

\------------------

Ok, here goes. 3, 2, 1...

I pulled the curtains away from the bed. I did not expect to have a person fall at my feet, but you see something new every day. After Seamus rolled off the bed, I reached out a hand and helped him up. 

I took out the book and write, _Hey, can I talk to Dean real quick._

He was very red but still reached for the quill. _Sure, anything I can help with?_

_No, you aren't necessarily the type of person I need._

He looked a little hurt. _What's that supposed to mean?_ He wrote, puffing out his chest. 

_Well... I need advice about something._

He turned around and yelled something to the bed behind him, I could only catch "Harry" and "Talk". 

_Sure mate, he's all yours for now._ He threw a shirt on and left the dorm. 

"Knock, knock," I wrapped the bedpost twice. Dean popped out of the covers, the blush wasn't super noticeable on his complexion, but it was obviously there. 

He signed the word _"Book?"_ because I had made sure to teach all of my friends how to say that. I handed it over.

_Seamus said you needed to talk to me. You've never done that before..._

I don't know Dean, I've never felt like this before. I flopped down on the bed with a slight bounce. 

He shook his head, _I'm flattered, but I'm kinda dating someone so... no?_ He let out a snort. _But seriously, what's up?_

 _You're the only person I know that could help me._ He waved for me to go on. I think that maybe, sorta, kinda I slightly like this one person.

_And they're not the "type" you thought you were into?_

_Exactly! I don't even know if I'm gay, and what if I'm not, or what if it's just a one-time thing, or what if I just want to be friends with them?_

He sent a small smile. _Slow down and breathe for a minute, will you? First off, it doesn't matter if you're gay or not. What matters is you have feelings for a guy and a label won't change that. Secondly, even if it's a one-time thing that's still a big deal. This isn't something you just grow out of and I bet you can find things in your past that add up to this, I know I can. You could also be bi like me, so if you have liked a girl it doesn't just erase these current feelings. Lastly, if you just wanted to be friends with this mystery man, do you really think you'd be talking to me?_

Ugh, I hate when people are right. _I knew you were the person to go to._

_Well, I kinda already knew you were gonna ask for advice. You weren't super quiet with Hermione even if it was a one-sided conversation._

I gave him a smirk. _I didn't think you would be paying attention to anything else given your state._

He covered his chest like he had been unaware of its presence this whole time. Dean took the pillow next to him and hit me with it. _Hey, I'm 18. I can do what I want._

_Speaking of, how different is dating a guy?_

_It's honestly not that different from the girls I've dated. I guess the main thing is because it's not as accepted with the people around here yet we've stayed hidden about it. You obviously don't have to, and more power to you if you can._

I rolled my eyes. _Do you really think that it wouldn't be the biggest deal in the world if I started dating a guy? After everything, the profit has said?_

_I find that if you really like them enough that it won't matter what the world thinks._

_And how do you know when that is?_

_You'll feel it. I can't explain it, but it's totally different from the stage you're in right now._

That made sense. I have no clue what could cause that kind of emotional epiphany, but I'm not sure if I want to find out. 

_Thank you, for this._

_Yeah sure, anytime. So... are you thinking of telling him?_

A lump formed in my throat at the mere thought of having to tell Draco about any of this. _No, oh Merlin no. I can only hope that he tells me first, just so I know it won't backfire. If he never says anything then I'll try to push it away._

_That's definitely not a good way to handle it. Relationships should be built on honesty._

_Let's just say we aren't on the most stable foundation. It's a slow repair, so I think this is the only way to handle it._

_It's your life, Harry. I can't tell you how to live this, but please don't ignore this side of yourself. Think of how good it could be for the Wizarding World if you gave a light to all of the young kids out there who are confused about this._

_I'm a young kid who's confused about this, not a figure who can give others advice._

He laughed and wrote out, _sure, I hope you figure it out. If you need any help I'm always here... most of the time. Speaking of can you send Seamus back up? He's kinda scared by the idea of civilized conversation._

_Sure, I'll let you get back to whatever this was. Next time a sticking charm on the curtains is always a good idea. Learned it from, Ron._

_Of course, you did._

_"_ Thanks again. It means a lot," he nodded in agreement and I threw the book onto my pillow. I headed down to the common room. I had _a lot_ to think about.

\-----------------

Tonight was, thankfully, not a night I was meeting with Draco. I was just so exhausted that I couldn't wait to crawl into a ball and sleep until Ron pushed me out of bed the next morning. 

When I made it to the dorm half the people were either studying or in the common room. Ron on the other hand was reading the last issue of _Quidditch Times_ peeking out of the top of his herbology textbook. 

_"Hey, Harry. Do you have your book on you?"_ He waved me over, tired as I may have been Ron was still my best friend. 

"Yeah, hang on." I walked over to him and tossed it next to him. He opened it to write and I turned around to get into pajamas. 

When I walked back over he was reading again, except this time he was reading the journal, not _Quidditch Times._ I snatched it out of his hands. _"Why would you do that? What did you read?"_

_"I read enough to know about your little conversation. Were you ever going to tell me?"_

_"I was hoping to do that on my own accord, not because you snooped on my personal life."_ I was _so_ pissed at him. I get that he would want to know, but surely he understood that this was a very private topic. 

_"If it was such a secret you should have hid it better."_ He crossed his arms and stood up. The two boys sitting in the room left us alone with a sideways glance. 

"No! You should have kept quiet or not continued reading or something! This is not my fault," I wasn't sure how loud I was being, but I honestly didn't care. It's not the first time one of our fights has gained attention.

_"Stop acting like I hate you now or something. I just thought you would have told me."_

"It doesn't matter if you hate me or not, it doesn't change the fact I didn't want to tell you about it."

He stepped closer and his face was almost as red as his hair. _"Well, you certainly didn't have trouble talking to Dean about it,"_ this bastard.

"Oh, come on Ron! You know full well why I asked him and not you."

_"Yes, I do know and I'm still friends with him just as much as I'll be friends with you after this."_

"Fine, I'll ignore it, but don't ask any more questions and please whatever you do. Don't. Tell. Anyone."

 _"Does Hermione know?"_ I didn't know how he would react to this.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and sighed, "Yes, she does. But she just found out today, so don't get mad at me again."

 _"Harry, I can't stay mad at you. You know that, the whole "emotional range of a teaspoon" thing."_ I laughed, he did have a point.

"So, are we good?"

He nodded, _"Yeah Harry, we're good."_

Well, that was a relief. I'm not as upset as I thought I would be that he read that. It's just one less person who has to find out and he should know at some point. 

I need to go to sleep, preferably for the rest of eternity. 


	14. Chapter 13- Emotional Epiphany

The library is not a scary place.

I just need to get out of bed and head down there for tonight. Nope, I can't do it.

After my fight with Ron, I've been trying to keep things with Draco very quiet. I don't even want him to know let alone anyone else. Dean recommended I told "mystery man" sooner rather than later, but part of that may have been he just wanted me to stop coming to him for help. 

It was halfway through October, and Hogsmede was just around the corner. People would normally be spreading these last days before the weekend to find a date or group to go with. I, on the other hand, was too scared to go to a library.

With a large heave, I managed to pull myself away from the comfort of my own bed. The only relief I could find was the fact that even though I was going to see Draco, didn't mean I was going to tell him. 

I made my way down to the library, it was after sundown so I had to sneak in with the cloak, but it's not like that's anything new. 

I decided to dwell more on what could come of this newly discovered feeling. I can't see this going anywhere, as much as I might want it to. I haven't really even come to terms with this part of myself, just a month ago I thought I was straight, so cut me some slack. 

I knew Draco could tell me first, that is if he did like me back which is a very small probability, but his bravery was hard to come by. I was supposed to be the outgoing one and even this was too much for me. Voldemort was a walk in the park compared to this. (Maybe not, but you get the point)

I just wanted a good relationship for once and apparently, my heart was set on the one person who would be impossible to get. Unless he made the first move, there would be no first move. I think I'm ok with that, maybe then it will all go away.

I walked down the full shelves to the back where we normally sat. The moonlight was filtering through the thin, silk curtains on the windows causing a glow around the room. I saw the warm tint fade into view and I knew Draco had beat me here. He did love the library.

I sat down across from him, he was engrossed in an old Shakespeare novel. I took the book you of his hands.

"Hey! Oh, _hi Harry_ ," he gave a small smile. Wow, he looked good in the dim lighting. 

I choked a little before realized I didn't actually have to say anything. _"Hey, so what did you want to work on?"_ Alright, so I was a little (a lot) more awkward now than I was a few weeks ago, but can you blame me. 

_"Well, I was thinking we could work on developing a new, extremely helpful skill."_ He paused to examine my expression, which was probably pretty embarrassing. _"You are going to learn how to lip-read."_

Shit, this isn't going to end well. In order to do this, I'm going to have to stare at Draco's lips for over an hour, and as nice as that might seem, it's going to be extremely difficult. 

"I- uh, that's fine." I'm such an idiot, he gave me a worried look then covered it. 

_"Ok so to start you need to be able to see them clearly. Scoot closer,"_ he waved me over. We were about a foot apart now, he leaned in a little, more like half a foot now. Slowly, he said, "Can you read them?" I nodded. 

His lips moved again, but this time I couldn't tell what he said. "What was that?" He took my hand and brought it to his lips. 

_"Feel the shapes they make then copy those on your own. That should show you what words they are or give a better understanding,"_ he signed matter-of-factly. 

He was having a much easier time than I was with this. Surely there was a better way to do this that didn't involve as much touching or staring.

I found that after a while it wasn't so bad. I was starting to get the hang of it and certain words were becoming very distinguishable. I would obviously need to test it out on more people than just Draco, but he was an option I definitely didn't mind. 

He looked a little sleepy and his head drooped a little. Out of shock I grabbed his chin and forced it up, I didn't let go. "Uh, s-sorry about that I-," I cut myself off. He glanced down at my lips, probably to see what I was saying, but we were very close so it felt different. "I didn't say anything."

"I know." He met my eyes, they were such a piercing grey it was hard to look away. My eyes did, however, wander to a little lower. "I didn't say anything either, Harry."

"It's just... I don't know what I-," he chuckled at my embarrassment.

Draco reached out and put his hand on my upper arm. "I think I do know what. Is it- um can I?"

I wasn't sure entirely if he meant what I thought he did. There were so many things that phrase could have meant and I just went along with the best-case scenario. I nodded, too puzzled to use real words. 

Draco leaned in closer, I could feel his breath on my face. "You sure?" Oh. My. Merlin. This was really happening, did my heart always beat this fast?

"Very." I closed my eyes and hoped for the best.

The first feeling was shock. I wasn't stiff like I thought I would be, not that I thought about this happening often. He tilted his head to the side in order to give me more room and I complied. 

His lips fit perfectly into mine and his breath was minty and cool which contrasted with the warmth of my own. He made me feel safe and calm like he was feeling the same way I was. It was extremely reassuring to not feel alone in this. 

I didn't think about what would happen because of this. I didn't think of where this was headed or who would find out. Nothing else mattered and I was content with my life. 

His hand found my cheek and I leaned into it. It was slightly awkward, but so were we so I think it fits. 

After what could have been an eternity, my sense of time would forever be screwed up, he pulled away. We didn't move from the strange tangle we found ourselves in and just stated at each other. 

A million thoughts were whirring in my head the main one being: Oh shit, fuck, I just kissed Draco Malfoy and liked it, a lot. What on Earth had just happened?

I started, "That was-"

"Bloody fantastic," he cut me off.

I smiled, "Yeah, something like that." He snorted and captured my lips again, this time I was prepared. 

It wasn't very long, I was kinda thankful for that. One can only handle so much at a time. He still had that protective aura about him, like he was holding my life-force delicately in his hands. I melted into his touch. 

When we came back up I smiled a little wider. "So, what does this mean?"

"I have absolutely no idea...," he stared into my eyes intensely. "Tell you what, go to Hogsmede with me? We'll go with our friends and everyone will think it's just because they wanted to hang out or-or that we were wanted to get out of the castle or something. That way it won't be a big deal...," he trailed off.

"Hey, it's ok. I'd love to go to Hogsmeade with you even if we don't know as what yet. I like you, like a lot." There I said it, proud of me?

"I do too," he seemed to lift up a little, "tell you what. We'll go to Hogsmede this weekend and see how it goes. I swear though I will take you out for real one day, you can count on it."

"I'll look forward to it." He leaned back and I noticed the fatigue from earlier set in. "But first, we need to get you to bed."

_"Don't you think it's a bit early to offer that?"_

_"Shut, up,"_ I laughed as I gathered my things. 

Maybe my "Emotional Epiphany" wasn't so bad. I could get used to this, and I had a strong feeling I was going to. 


	15. Chapter 14- Hogsmede

How do you make a group of Gryffindors and Slytherins friends? 

Easy answer: you don't. 

I woke up like any other morning. Ron rolled me onto the floor, I bruised my hip, and Draco was just a teeny-tiny bit kinder to me. 

The plan for the day was to meet up with Zambini and Parkinson at Hogsmede. Draco and I really wanted them to get along so we were going to split off into groups of two, one of each. It would also give us an opportunity to sort things out without our friends being suspicious. 

I've never put much thought into my clothes before, but I felt like this mattered more for some reason. 

I had a striped red jumper and a plain green one laid on my bed. They both looked fine, but I just couldn't decide. Ron tapped my shoulder. 

_"What are you doing?"_ He signed while looking at the two shirts. 

I sighed, _"Trying to figure out which jumper to wear."_

He raised an eyebrow, _"Why does it matter? Obviously the red one, the green one looks sickly."_ I nodded when I felt a tap on my other arm.

It was Draco, he appeared to have been watching our encounter. _"Merlin no, you look awful in red, plus green matches your eyes."_

I slid on the green one and Draco turned back to his bed. _"Hey, I'm your best mate here. Why'd you go with him?"_

_"No offense, but you have the fashion sense of a snail."_

He groaned, _"First a teaspoon, now a snail... I can't stand you both sometimes."_

_"Oh no you don't, you love us."_

_"Sadly, I have to agree,"_ he continued getting ready. 

\--------------

 _"There you boys are, we are already late. Come on,"_ Hermione tapped her foot at the bottom of the stairs in the entrance hall.

 _"Look, I'm sorry... this one took forever to get ready,"_ Ron pointed at me.

 _"Huh, that's a first,"_ she gave me the side-eye, _"Well now that you're fine let's get going. I don't want a pack of Slytherins to show us up."_

We started out the door, "They really aren't that bad you know," I said in what I hoped was convincing.

 _"Mate, you haven't even met his friends yet. They could be total pillocks for all you know,"_ he retorted. 

"Actually, I talked to them on the train before school started." They both looked at me skeptically, "What? I walked into the wrong compartment and bam! They knew sign language, of course, I had some questions."

Hermione rolled her eyes, " _I'm surprised that hasn't gotten you killed yet."_

"Believe me so am I." I saw the three snakes up ahead, perched by the back entrance to town. I waved to them, only Draco waved back. "See," I chuckled nervously, "they're all fine."

_"Whatever helps you sleep at night."_

They both seemed to be looking everywhere but ahead of them. This was going to go terribly. 

Draco caught my eye and I noticed my pace speed up just a little bit. I halted in front of the three of them, my friends stopped just behind that. We stood there just for a minute, I suddenly had nothing to say.

Parkinson popped up first, _"Well, as lovely as this has been I need to go holiday shopping so shall we split off?"_

Finally, the lump in my throat dissipated. I signed and spoke at the same time, _"Yeah I was thinking we could go in pairs. Since Hermione and Parkinson are girls they could go off and since Draco and I are are already friends we could too. That would just leave you two,"_ I pointed to Zambini and Ron. 

Hermione shot me a look, _"Absolutely not! Knowing you two you're bound to be kidnapped if you go off on your own. You go with Parkinson and I'll go with Malfoy. That way you both have someone who can be aware of your surroundings."_

 _"I second that,"_ Parkinson chimed in. At least they agreed on something? Even if that was to be as far away from each other as possible.

 _"I... guess that does make sense,"_ I looked over to Draco. He had a strange look in his eye, but in the end, just shrugged.

 _"Well, let's go one then. Lots to buy,"_ Draco waved us along.

I looked back over to him, _"Shall we meet up at the Hogs Head ?"_

 _"Why can't we go to Three Broomsticks?"_ Ron asked, distancing himself from Blaise. 

Draco shifted and indicated to Parkinson, she rolled her eyes. _"He isn't necessarily allowed in there..."_

 _"Oh, uh sure,"_ his eyes roamed anywhere but us. 

Draco moved over to my side, the others caught in an awkward stance. _"Are you sure I have to go off with Granger? I need to talk to you about... you know,"_ he looked around awkwardly.

_"She's not that bad, honest. And we can meet up tomorrow like normal. I promise I'm not avoiding it, it's just a little different."_

He laughed, _"Tell me about it. I... it's just a lot to take in. Please don't ignore me after this,"_ his feet shuffled the ground as he walked.

I reached out to touch his arm, _"Trust me, I won't."_

 _"Thank you, Harry,"_ he turned to Hermione who glanced at us then quickly looked away. "Well, then let's be off Granger."

"Ladies first, Malfoy."

"Very funny," he rolled his eyes and they were off.

Parkinson grabbed my upper arm harshly, " _We need to talk,"_ she leaned over and pecked Blaise on the cheek, "We'll be back soon."

He smiled towards her, "Please don't take too long," Ron nodded in agreement from a meter away.

"Boys," she mumbled closely as we walked out of the back gate. 

"What did you need to ask?" We walked towards a small bookshop, I'll probably get Hermione's gift here.

 _"Keep your voice down,"_ I made the note, _"You are the daftest person in the world."_

I was slightly offended, _"What does that mean?"_

_"You can't just have a private conversation in front of a bunch of people who know sign language. I think Weasley was the only lost one in that little encounter."_

Shit, today really wasn't going as planned. _"What did you see?"_

 _"Just the end bit and I told Blaise to stop as well. Granger seemed quite noisy, it's very like her,"_ she stuck her chin out a little and examined a shelf on potions theory. 

She wasn't wrong, but I still felt a bit offended on behalf of my friend. _"Listen, Parkinson, can't you guys try to get along?"_

She tsked and turned to walk up the stairs. _"Please, I have to give you three some major credit, the whole defeating Voldemort thing and all. But I'm not required to like you. I only tolerate you because of the fact that Draco never bloody shuts up about you."_

 _"What?"_ She laughed at my stunned expression. 

Her hair bounced as she shook her head. " _You really are stupid. He's literally obsessed, I just don't know why though."_

Funnily enough, I think I knew the reason. _"Yeah, weird... are you going to ask anything or...?"_

She tapped her chin and stuck a book in her back. _"About your conversation? No, but I want to know what on Earth you have done to my best friend."_

I blanched before averting my eyes. _"Technically I did nothing. Why would you think I did something to him?"_ I picked up a book on wizarding politics for Hermione and went to pay for it. 

_"I may not stalk him, like some people,"_ she pointed to me, " _But, I do know he's been acting differently since he met with you last night."_

We paid for our books and went down to the sports shop for Ron and Blaise. _"First of all, I do not stalk him. Secondly, nothing happened so he's just being weird all on his own. Lastly, he didn't seem any different just a few minutes ago."_

She rolled her eyes and tightened her cloak around her neck. _"You don't notice a lot in life, and you definitely used to stalk him."_

 _"I had my reasons."_ Holding open the door for her, I caught her laugh.

_"Sure, you did. Anyway, I won't press it, but whatever it is keep doing it. He's been a right prat since school started and you finally smacked some sense into his thick skull."_

That seemed strange to point out. Draco had always been so awful to me, so I hadn't really noticed that he was worse now than after the war. _"He was nice to me. I wonder why?"_

_"Exactly my point, there's something going on and I just want you to know that if you keep this up then I'll have to add something else to my thank you list."_

I sent her a look, "Thank you list?"

_"Oh, it's a list of everyone that has done something of value in my life. Do you not have one?"_

I readjusted my scarf in the warm shop, _"No, must be a Slytherin thing."_

 _"Just like how Quidditch is a Gryffindor thing."_ She caught my eye before going to my side, "And Potter, call me Pansy. _Now hurry up and buy something already so we can get something to eat!"_


	16. Chapter 15- Forbidden Findings

Hogsmede didn't go nearly as planned.

After they insisted on changing the original groups, they also didn't sit together at lunch, so I sat with Ron and Hermione instead.

Apparently, Blaise is extremely quiet, according to Ron which isn't saying much, and the only thing they had in common was quidditch which caused a very lengthy conversation. His main takeaway from the encounter was that his mom had had just as many husbands as he has siblings. Let's just say Ron didn't hate this conversation.

Hermione on the other hand had a bit more difficult time. Apparently, she had something to ask him and he kept blowing her off. He did try and apologize to her, but she said that it would take sometime before she was ready to do that. Then they got in an argument about something in a book and the rest of the day was silent. She said that was the best part.

Overall, I think yesterday could have gone much worse so I was in high hopes on my way down to the library that night.

When I found Draco he was surrounded by books thrown onto the floor. He seemed stressed about something.

I tapped his shoulder, "Uh, you ok?" I ask while looking at his pile.

 _"No! This is pointless. We've looked through almost all of the books in this bloody library and still nothing."_ He collapsed into a seated position and leaned against the shelves. I took out my wand and cast all of the books back to their places.

 _"We could always check the registry to see where they are..."_ His eyes widened, why hadn't we thought of that yet?

 _"For the first time, that was a brilliant idea."_ He stood up and brushed off his pants. It was the first time I got a look at him, and I hate to say it, but damn he looked good. _"Come on then."_

Before I knew it, the candle was blown out, and I felt someone grab my hand. Draco pulled me towards the back room of the library with only a wand for light. If I wasn't aware that the book registry was in there I might have been slightly concerned.

I got a weird sense of déjà vu from the other time he had done this except this time was different. This time he didn't let go, and I found I didn't mind.

We had to be careful because the backroom doubled as sleeping quarters for Madam Pince.

He looked over to me, "Where do you think-" He put a finger to my lips and mouthed _be quiet._ Pointing towards a desk in the corner of the room he pulled me in a slow tip-toe.

Once we were there he let go of my hand and began unlocking the desk. I wiped my sweaty palm onto my trousers and tried to look useful.

He plopped a large book onto the desk and muttered something. It flipped open to a section that had medical reference books listed. _"I knew it."_ He signed lazily.

 _"What is it?"_ He gestured to the middle of the page. There were the books we had been searching for, all in a row, all checked out on the same day by the same person. _"We kinda already knew this though..."_

_"I know, this just proves it. Can you find Mr. A on your map? He should be leaving school anytime now if he's stuck to his sundown schedule."_

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the map. After looking around I saw him walking towards the front entrance. _"Hey, that was weird."_ I looked up to Draco.

_"What? Where is he?"_

I shook my head. _"He went to the forbidden forest. The strange thing was how fast he got there."_

_"What do you mean?"_

I wasn't sure how to phrase it. _"This isn't the first time that I noticed it. He went from this part of the map to the forest in the blink of an eye."_

_"Maybe he's not human? Or a super-fast track star?"_

I laughed then slapped my hand to my mouth. _"As if, I think we would know if he wasn't human and if he were a track star, he would be famous with that speed."_

_"Well, it's not the first time that's gone unnoticed at Hogwarts. Maybe you're just seeing things."_

I don't know how that's possible, but it didn't really matter at the moment. We just needed to know why he had those books and how to get them from him.

_"Are you up for a trip to the forest?"_

He stiffened. _"I'm not stupid, that's an awful idea."_

 _"Aw, are you scared?"_ I teased, he glared at me in return.

He stepped close, I could feel his breath on my cheek. "Are you?" he hushed. I didn't respond. "I'll go under one condition."

"And that is?" I whispered back.

He smirked, "I did promise I would take you out properly after what happened yesterday. What would you say to next Friday?" He tilted my chin up.

"Only if you make it out alive," I breathed. I wasn't sure what was happening, my stomach twisted.

He ducked out of the way and flashed a smile, _"You know? I think I just might."_

_\---------------_

The leaves crushed under our shoes as we walked through the forest. We had no clue where we were supposed to be going, we were hoping for a sign.

Draco stayed close to my side, I could tell he was terrified. It was way too dim to talk, so I had lots of time to think.

I felt like things had gone so fast, yet so slow, over these past weeks. I barely had time to even think about what was going on between us. What was going on between us?

I knew we had... kissed... or whatever, but did that really mean anything? I mean it did to me, but I couldn't really... go out with Draco, could I? I mean he's a guy and that would make me gay or something. This is confusing.

Ok, so let's ignore the fact that he's a guy because that doesn't really matter at the moment. He's been really nice these past two months, but does that makeup for everything he's done in the past? It seemed so petty to say no to that when I had been equally bad to him.

So, did I like him? Obviously, I had been consumed by that thought for weeks now. Did I want to date him? I don't think it would be that bad, to be honest. It would be like what we had been doing lately, just slightly... more?

One thing I did know, I really did enjoy kissing him. I only hoped he felt the same. I know he likes me too, why else would he ask me out? It's still hard to comprehend it, I had never thought about it before.

I suppose me being gay made sense, it was like something finally clicked. It would explain my nonexistent love-life, my strange feeling of attraction throughout the years, and everything that's been going on recently. I looked back to Draco, I hoped he would be fine, for his sake and mine.

Adding in the fact he was a guy now, I found it didn't change my mind. I was made up, Draco had made me so happy when I thought that was impossible, why wouldn't I go along for the ride? I would have to tell him yes when we were out of this forest.

We walked in comfortable silence for another half-hour or so. Then we saw a faint blue glow coming from ahead.

Draco stuck his arm out and pushed my chest back. I looked over, he seemed terrified. He shook his head and mouthed, _I can't do it._

I reached up and took the hand that was across my torso. _You'll be safe, I'm here._

He seemed to struggle between rolling his eyes and being grateful. He just squeezed my hand and dropped them to his side, never letting go.

I walked ahead of him, my speed increasing the closer we came to the glow. There was a large ring of shrubs surrounding it, so I pulled Draco down and crept behind them.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to see on the other side, but this was much more beautiful than I could have imagined. In the center of this clearing there lay and small blue flower. Obviously magical, yet still so enchanting, like I would never need anything else again.

I was shaken out of my trance by a tap on the shoulder. _What is it,_ Draco mouthed?

 _Not sure, it's a type of plant._ He nodded then seemed to gain some confidence. We crossed the barrier of bushes.

The plant was definitely special. I didn't want to go near it as it may have been several different poisons. Draco, it seemed, did not share this same sentiment.

I grabbed his arm, _Do you know this?_ I signed.

 _No,_ he replied, _but it's not dangerous. Blue is a sign of light magic and this leaf structure means it's to be used in a component potion._

I really wish I had paid more attention to Herbology. I nodded dumbly and watched him walk closer to the plant.

While he did that, I decided to scan the perimeter. Nothing was really that unexpected, just trees and grass for kilometers.

On closer inspection I noticed a dark clump leaning against a tree. I walked up to it and noticed that it was just a person wearing a cloak.

Wait... a person?

I carefully removed the hood and stood in shock. It was Mr. A, and he appeared to be sleeping. That must be why his room seemed barely used, but it didn't explain why he slept out here in the first place.

I was going to leave him be, but then I noticed something else. He was blinking behind his closed eyelids. He was faking sleep, he knew we were here.

Mr. A didn't scare me, not in the slightest. He seemed like a kind guy who just happened to have some extreme features. He may have been tall, had dark eyes, and never smiled, but that didn't mean I would cower in his line of sight. This just felt weird, maybe I didn't know him as well as I thought?

I backed away fast like I had been burned. I ran over to Draco and grabbed his forearm. He looked confused and upset at being taken from his discovery but didn't question it. I ran faster than I would have thought possible.

———————-

_"Mind telling me what that was all about?"_

Draco and I sat across from each other at our usual spot in the library. It was well past midnight now, it had taken quite a while to get there and come back.

The forest left a lingering chill on my skin. I shivered, both from the memory and cold.

" _Shit, are you cold?"_ He had already begun unraveling his scarf.

 _"Huh? Oh no it's ok you don't have to..."_ Before I knew it the scarf was around my neck. The Slytherin emerald and silver clashed with my robes.

Draco sent me a stern look. _"It's the least I could do for your generosity. Now please explain what happened back there... soon preferably."_

I rolled my eyes and tightened the cloth around my neck. It smelled like mint and was warm, maybe I would leave it on for just a little bit.

He sat in silence as I finished reporting what I had seen in the forest. " _So,"_ he started, _"do you think he was guarding... whatever that plant was?"_

_"He must have been, why else would he be there and faking sleep this late at night. You're supposed to be the potions master out of us, what was it?"_

He shrugged, _"I don't know actually. I really wasn't even that good in potions, I just had some connections that helped me get there. I just wish I could go back and earn my place instead, maybe then I would be more useful."_

I stared at him, and he shifted slightly, looking awkward. I had honestly thought was a really good student, one of the best actually. He was no Hermione, but- "That's it!"

" _What is?"_

_" We can ask Hermione, she'll have to know what it is!"_

His gaze drifted to the floor below, he picked at the hem of his trousers. " _I... I don't know if that's a good idea..."_

 _"What? Why?"_ If he was ever going to prove that he had changed this was the way to do it.

 _"It's just... hard to recover from the things I put her through, hell the thing_ _s_ _I put_ you _through. You might be able to blindly trust that someone has changed, but your friends aren't like that. You might say they are, but would you honestly say they could accept my apology."_

I didn't know where this was coming from. " _You didn't have any problems with going to Hogsmede with them. What's the change of heart about?"_

He slumped against the ancient bookshelves. " _She knows Harry... about well whatever we are at this point. She was very nice about it, but she and Weasley don't think that it's a good idea. She says I'd influence you too much. Didn't she tell you we got in a fight?"_

My mind reeled with thoughts. How could she know? Why was she dictating my lo-personal life? And why didn't she believe that he had changed? " _Sure I knew you got in a fight, but she said it was nothing."_

 _"Do you... do you think it's nothing?"_ He lost eye contact, I was at a loss for words.

Reaching out, I tilted his chin up. His eyes were glassy and I felt something clench in my gut. He looked so broken. _"I- I want to find out... what it is first."_

 _"_ Can you kiss me again... please? Just in case that's true." I was so glad he asked.

Leaning in I pressed a small kiss to his lips. It wasn't like last time, there wasn't that built-up tension or want. It felt needy, raw, different. Like he was afraid to let go. No tears fell from his eyes though, like with every second the need to do so vanished.

It was short and I backed away, I knew what I wanted. " _If this is nothing then I want a whole lot more of it."_

He gave a small laugh, _"Thank you for that, you don't have to stay anymore though. I would understand."_

Did he not hear what I just said? _"You know,"_ I tapped my chin, _"we made it out of the forest alive. I think you owe me something."_

His face brightened. _"You mean it?! You'd actually say yes if I asked you out?"_

 _"Of course you git! Even my friends picked up on it before I did."_ Speaking of, I'd have to mention that to them. Then a thought occurred to me, " _Would that make us like, boyfriends or something?"_ That was a sentence I never thought I would say.

" _Merlin Potter, take me out to dinner first!"_ He placed a hand over his heart and mocked hurt. Glad to see he's back to usual.

I rolled my eyes, _"You, are such a prat. This is kinda new to me though, I didn't even know this was possible until a few years ago."_

_"Get with the times' Potter, this is the 90s. Even if they aren't as accepting here, that doesn't mean you can't do whatever the hell you want. Actually, use your status for a change and be that role model that Kingsley is always pushing you to be. Be that new hope for something good this time, not war."_

The way he said it made sense, I am Harry Potter, why couldn't I do what I wanted?

" _Fine then, it's a d-date. Meet me out front of the castle next Friday night. Make sure it's dark too."_

He nodded, " _Good idea, the fewer people that know the better."_

_"I'm glad we're on the same page. Now I have to go, I don't think I'm gonna mention that thing to Hermione yet. Or the fact that we're going out... they need to see how good you are. I trust you, and that's good enough for me."_

He sent a genuine smile, a rare feature on his face. _"You aren't too bad yourself Potter, see you Sunday."_

_"See you Sunday Draco."_


	17. Chapter 16- Hidden In Plain Sight

The late November air burned my cheek as I stepped out of the castle and into the dimming night.

A figure tapped my shoulder, I had grown so used to it that I didn't even jump this time. I turned to see Draco, pointy and pale, yet stunningly himself.

I smiled, " _I see you've shown up."_

 _"Naturally,"_ he replied with a grin, " _I was technically the one who asked you."_

I returned the small smile, _"Yes, but I've taken the time to plan. This is a very rare occasion so don't forget it."_

_"You will never have to worry about that. The famous Harry Potter, taking me, a lowly commoner to... somewhere unknown."_

I chuckled at his theatrics and started down the long steps to Hogsmede. _"Yes, a commoner with hair gel more expensive than a Cleansweep."_

He fell into step with me, our knuckles brushing. _"To be fair, they are awful brooms."_

_"I suppose so, they work well enough though. Anyways hold on, we've just gotten out of the wards enough and I don't want you splinching."_

He grabbed onto my hand and bicep, maybe a bit tighter than necessary. _"_ You know, that might be awfully romantic. You crack away and leave-."

I apparated, the darkness consuming his words.

_—————_

When our feet his solid ground I was able to fully take in where we landed.

_"You wanted to see Muggle London, well, here it is."_

He stood in awe, his cheeks dusted rose and lips parted as his eyes scanned the buildings.

 _"I know it's no fancy restaurant or anything but-."_ He cut me off with a chaste kiss, nobody around us even looked.

 _"I love it here. Thank you,"_ he squeezed my hand. _"It's nice to be able to be with you and not have to worry. They hardly even care here."_

 _"I suppose that's the glory of the city. They tend to be very progressive."_ He nodded in acknowledgement, but I'm not really sure he understood.

He turned around, _"So, where to first?"_

" _Well, at first I thought you should see all of the landmarks and monuments in the area, but then I realized you wouldn't really care nor would you understand. Maybe some other visit. I want you to get a taste of muggle culture."_

His brow furrowed, _"That is the whole reason I wanted to come. It would be boring for you though."_

_"I've never been much farther than in my neighbourhood and school. Plus I'm here with you, it's never boring in my life."_

He softened slightly, it was a beautiful sight. The sky was a murky grey, and the feel of people brushing my arms on the street made sure I knew I wasn't alone. It's times like these I really miss the ability to listen to my surroundings. My ears picked up a faint hum, but nothing more.

We walked down the side-streets, he was so caught up in the beauty of urban life that we didn't need to talk. Our silence said more than words ever could.

He yanked me to a stop and I could see why. His mouth had fallen open, " _I didn't know muggles could build things like this without magic..."_

 _"Do you want to go in?"_ I asked, nodding to the store, Harrods, in front of us. I had never been allowed to go into Harrods myself, the Dursleys thought it too good for me and the only other time I had been to London was with Hagrid and he certainly couldn't have taken me. 

The storefront looked absolutely dazzling at night though. The gold hues that radiated off of its corner lights and the large sign that loomed above us made me feel dizzy. I was rushed with enthusiasm. 

We walked around the large department store for a little over an hour. Draco wanted to investigate everything he had never seen before. While I had seen most of the items to store carried, I was intrigued nonetheless. 

I walked over to a little island that was filled with different sweets and pastries, all packaged nicely. I knew coming here that Draco wouldn't be able to buy anything, so I made sure to bring some of my leftover money stash from when I lived with the Dursleys. It wasn't much, only about 15 pounds, or so. 

I picked up a lot of candy, and some biscuits too. I had only ever gotten candy if I stole some from Dudley's Halloween pile, so some of this was foreign to me too. 

Draco found his way over to me, " _What have you got there?"_ He pointed to the small paper bag I had just purchased. 

" _This is our dinner,"_ I signed back, laughing at his confused look I walked away from him and back into the chilly London air. 

I inhaled the smoky scent once before running off to find somewhere to eat. Draco was hot on my heels, and I decided to make a competition out of it. He inched closer, but I knew I was faster. He may have had longer legs, but I had the advantage of years of running away from people. 

We stopped at a park, much farther away than intended. Resting my hands on my knees panting I watched as Draco strolled past and touched one of the gates. _"I win."_ He signed smugly.

_"What? How? I was obviously here first..."_

_"While you were panting you failed to notice you are still on the other side of the curb. "_ Steady slow beats the race," _or something like that."_ He turned around to find a park bench. 

"Slow and steady wins the race," I mumbled after him. He wouldn't have heard me even if I had yelled it. 

We sat close on the bench, no one was really out at this time, just dog walkers and couples on strolls of the city. A wind blew by, Draco put his arm on the backrest behind me, I leaned into his touch. 

He was close enough now I could make out the words forming on his lips. "So, about this mystery dinner..."

"Oh, right," I dug into the bag, pulling out a few items. Things weren't necessarily cheap in London. "You pick first, it's like an honour."

"An honour... from the famous Harry Potter, I'm touched." He snickered, I elbowed him back just as hard. He took the bag of chocolate chip biscuits without complaint. 

We watched the slow-moving city life, eating food that was obviously not fit for dinner, and enjoying the silence. The silence, we had grown so used to it. We had grown to love it.

As I bit into a small chocolate bar, I looked towards Draco again. His face was flushed and his eyes were wide again. They had these pale blue sparkles in them when the light caught just right. He was breathtaking, I never wanted to let it go.

I had become attached. I knew what I wanted, I can only hope he felt the same. 

I tapped his shoulder, "So... it's getting late. Do you think we should..." I trailed off. 

He nodded and we threw out the wrappers on our way to the curb. We walked to find an empty alleyway to apparate back in, it was easier than earlier. 

Draco grabbed ahold of my hand, " _Thank you, for tonight. It was wonderful."_

I felt the heat to my cheeks, " _Thank you for being here with me."_

_"I wouldn't have missed it for the world."_

Then we spiralled into the darkness. 

\--------------

We were seated like any other night. Across from each other in a familiar aisle of the library. Yet, the atmosphere had never felt more different. 

It wasn't a bad feeling, on the contrary, it was the best feeling of being alive I could ever ask for. The mand across from me matched my emotions ten-fold. 

"So-"

"I-"

 _"You go first,"_ Draco motioned towards me. I breathed, taking in my surroundings. This was a familiar place, with a familiar person. I could say what I wanted, it would be ok.

_"I've been thinking about what you said earlier... I think I do like you. No! I do like you, a lot, that's not the problem. I like you even more than I did and it feels different and I... your turn"_

He didn't laugh, " _If I didn't know any better you might be referring to when I asked you to take me out to dinner first... In that case-"_

 _"_ Draco! Will you bee my boyfriend?" The world tumbled out of my mouth faster than I could comprehend them. I said it, and I knew for sure I would never regret it. 

_"I thought you would never ask."_

From that moment on I remember one thing only. The feel of his lips on mine.

The perfect fit. 


	18. Chapter 17- Deny, Deny, Deny

I officially hate being Harry Potter.

I was absolutely over-the-moon about last night. Nothing could change the fluttering feeling in my stomach on the walk back to the dorms and my smile as I fell asleep. 

Nothing, that is until I awoke to a paper being thrown at me. For the first time, it was Draco who woke me up. 

After a quick glance down at the Daily Prophet, I looked back at him. "What is this for?" 

He shook his head and sat on the edge of the bed. It was much too easy for the other dorm mates to be awake, but just in case I closed the curtains shut. He pulled his feet up and sat back facing me. 

"Why don't you read it for yourself..." He placed two fingers on his temple and fell back onto the bed with a visual sigh.

The article read:

The-Boy-Who-Lived Newest News on Corruption and Affections

In recent events, we have found a fantastic addition to the saga that is Harry Potter. Previously we have delved into Potter's mysterious love-life as well as his connections with on Ex-Death-Eater, Draco Malfoy. What if I were to tell you that both may not be as distant as we may have thought?

With a story a big as this one, it is important to have eyes everywhere, and it's a good thing we do. One of our esteemed reporters was stationed in muggle London, just out of the apparition point. Little did she know that two unsuspecting boys would appear and give her the biggest scoop in months. 

It was very unclear as to what the boys were up to, but it was clear that foul-play may be involved. Although the interaction seemed harmless, it was anything but. In the image below you can clearly see the boys participating in explicit homosexual activities (BOTTOM LEFT). As we have covered, the-boy-who-lived most definitely shows an interest in the opposite sex, so why would she turn down this abnormal path?

The largest explanation we at the Daily Prophet have been able to come up with is that this is all Draco Malfoy's fault. Mr Malfoy has a large history of dark magic and corruption, not to mention his public hatred of Harry Potter. It would not be wrong to suspect that there might be either a love potion or the use of Mind Control. 

Could this have something to do with Harry Potter speaking on Draco's behalf this summer? Will Harry come forward against these acts? Could this be all a distraction of something much more sinister? 

Subscribe to the Daily Prophet for updates.

I threw down the paper and rubbed my hands in my hair. I was livid. Draco saw my expression and ripped up the paper before spelling it away. He took hold of my hands, rubbing the knuckles gently. 

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to kill that reporter," I said, squeezing my eyes shut. 

Draco reached up and put his palm on my cheek. "You know you can't do that, think realistically."

In my head, I thought that murder was totally realistic. I could probably just pull the Savior Card and get away with it. I looked at the pale eyes in front of me and realized how that would only make it worse. 

"I-I just don't think I'm ready yet. It's all too soon and we just started dating and I-I can't yet." I felt my eyes turn glassy. I took a deep breath and relaxed slightly. I've handled much worse before, it's Draco that should be more upset. 

His eyes were soft, but they held something behind them that I couldn't piece together. I hated not knowing his thought on this. "I agree. We shouldn't be forced to come out about this so soon. I also don't think we should be afraid of if. We need this to be natural, and if they aren't ready, things will only be worse."

"What should we do?"

He peaked out of the curtains surrounding us. I watched as he nimbly crept out of the bed and waved me forward. 

Once were had made it out the door, he turned and signed, "We're going to hide away today. No sense worrying over something we can't help. I'll fake being sick, and you just get your little trio to cover for you. Simple and much less stress."

I thought about what he had said, it did seem nice. I'm not sure hiding from my problems would solve anything, but it was worth a shot. 

\-----------

Getting Ron and Hermione to cover for me was much easier than expected. Ron seemed a bit confused, and Hermione had the scary knowing look in her eye, but it was better than facing the school. 

They had already read the article by the time I found them before breakfast. The plan was that Draco had been sick with a mild case of dragon pox for the past day, and I was with them last night, so there would have been no way for the story to be true.

Draco and I walked down to the kitchens that morning for a more private breakfast. When we entered there was immediately a swarm of tiny house-elves at our feet. Some hid a little from Draco, but others were just excited for some new faces. 

We settled into a corner far away from the working elves and feasted on bacon sandwiches and coffee. Draco seemed a tad uncomfortable with the friendliness of the house-elves here, I doubt he had seen much of that in his time at the manor. 

It was nice being with him. He was the only person at the moment who could truly make me forget about the war. All of my other friends carried so much baggage, and I am constantly reminded of their worn faces of battle. 

Draco was never there. He was in the background in the war, almost like he had disappeared, only to show up when we had forgotten his existence. He was hardly ever at the battle, there are no memories with him like the others. Years ago I would have said this made him a coward, but I am forever thankful that he wasn't there. 

I need him now, even if I don't fully understand it. 

"Do you think we'll ever find a cure?" His hands snapped me out of my daze. Honestly, sometimes when I'm with him I forget I'm deaf. It's like speaking with someone from a totally different country, you forget not everyone communicates the same. 

My brows furrowed, "I mean, I hope so. I just feel like we have nothing to show for it. We have no books, no ideas, and no help." 

"Nice optimism," he rolled his eyes. 

Is it bad that sometimes I don't want a cure? I know it's horribly selfish, but I like that we can really only communicate with each other. I get scared to lose that when we find the cure. Its something special, something only we understand. 

\---------------

After breakfast, we headed back down to Hogsmede. This wasn't technically a date, in fact, we weren't even going to be with each other for most of the trip. I wanted to get Christmas presents, and Draco wanted to leave the stuffiness of the castle, so this was a good solution. 

We split up at the gate, I sighed at the loss of his hand in mine, but I needed to be alone for this. Christmas was fast approaching, only about three weeks away, and I hadn't gotten Draco a present yet. 

I had no clue what to get him. I know he appreciated getting gifts, but I wanted mine to be special. God, I sound so cliche, but then again so is romance. 

What do you get for someone who you've only been dating for a day, but have wanted to date for months? 

Walked into book stores, broom shops, and candy parlours, but nothing caught my eye. I didn't want something big, or too over-the-top, but it had to have some kind of thought put into it. 

Then I thought of it, the perfect idea. 

I headed down to Glenda Grizwald's Glassware, where I would spend the better part of my day. 

\-----------------

We met up again around mid-afternoon. Draco didn't buy anything, but I guess I technically didn't either. 

"I thought you were looking for presents?" Draco inquired. 

I turned towards the castle and set off, we matched in pace. "Oh, I did. They just aren't with me."

"How is-" I reached up and took his hand, promptly ending his question short. 

When we reached the entrance we agreed that I would go to dinner, and he would stay in the dorms to "recover" from his Dragon Pox. 

I pecked his cheek quickly before detaching my hand. Walking away I realized that this was still going to be a rough meal, even without Draco insight. 

The room stilled slightly when I entered, I could almost hear the noise level drop. They didn't seem that interested though. 

I manoeuvred my way over to my usual seat across from my friends. Sitting down, I piled a small helping of food onto my plate. "Thank you for today, I needed to get out of here."

Ron and Hermione both nodded slightly at the remark but decided to remain quiet. This was exceeding awkward.

I felt someone nudge my seat. It was Seamus. He took the book peaking out of my bag and opened it to a blank page. 

So, is it true?

I yanked the book back and wrote quickly, The paper? No, of course not.

Well, you might want to spread the word faster. I mean, we know you didn't leave school last night, but some people think otherwise. 

What do you mean? 

Seamus looks around, like a detective from a cheap Murder Mystery. See, one the one hand you have people ready to sucker punch you around the corner because they think you take it up the arse now. On the other hand, you have people who are bloody peeing themselves to get a look at the schools first gay couple. 

What about you?

Come on mate, you know I of all people am not Homophobic. Also, I think you're lying. I really do want to believe Ron, that you were with them, but I don't know. I am still curious as to what you and dean talked about. 

I sighed, this was never going to be easy. Think what you want, I'm going to bed. 

Ok, but if I get up there and you're in bed with Malfoy I'm cutting your balls off before you get impregnated in the dorm room. 

Oh please, like you are able to talk. 

He looked back at me aghast as I packed up my stuff and fled the Dining Hall. 

Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all.


End file.
